Monday, August 31, 2009

StressedChick


I am writing this to the incessant and arrhythmic sound of hammering coming in the (closed) windows from the house next door. My morning peace has been disrupted by the installation of a new (and very needed) roof.

OH! Just this second, another noise has been added. Something unrecognizable but nerve devouring! YAY.

It is on this morning that I have had scheduled for months the task of ordering bus tickets and a hotel room and generally organizing the travel that is coming up very quickly.

Anxiety inducing activity +
anxiety inducing noise =
One. Very. Stressed. Chick.


If you've not noticed yet, I am not good at this travel thing. I don't do it. But in order to spread my wings and fly, as I have determined to do this year, I must leave my comfort zones and push my edges.

After an hour or so of fighting with various websites and trying to understand the hours involved in bus travel, I have my printed out confirmations.

You would think I could now breathe easier, but all of this has just brought up the extreme feelings I have toward this thing called "Change."

Ugh.

I am filled with utter and complete joy at having rediscovered my love of dance. I am thrilled with the commitment and other good things that have come of this rediscovery.

I am happier and more content than I have ever been.

But any change is difficult. It's the nature of change. I have been readying myself for the reality of this to not just settle in but hit me with its full force. And today it has.

I hear the nagging voice in the back of my head every single day:

Go back to your life in your secluded garret, writing poems and touching the world only virtually. It's safe there...the world is scary...

Every single day, I ignore that voice and go about my (new) business.

But today that voice was just screaming:

See! I told you! It's so very hard! How hard do you think the travel will actually be! You have huge layovers in New York City! That's a big scary place! What could happen to you...

SQUASH.

With the flat hand of my willpower, I squash her, yet her voice remains, muffled, but still present.

What voices do you have to learn to ignore in order to realize your precious and fragile dreams?

(Photo & Text Copyright: Christine C. Reed, blisschick.net, 2009)

16 comments:

Marcy Hall said...

GO BLISSCHICK!!!!!

i am so proud of you!!! as for you, stressedchick-- shut your trap!

Grace said...

I understand! My biggest issue/fear of traveling is all the stress of planning and process of getting there. I've traveled for work some, but I'm never alone and that stuff is taken care of for me.
I'm glad you are doing it--one step at a time.

differenceayearmakes said...

I so understand - anytime you are pushing your comfort zones expect to encounter anxiety and fear. But let me tell you from experience that once you've pushed past and through you're going to feel absolutely wonderful and will never be quite the same again - you'll be larger, more wide open. And that's a good thing.

Sheila said...

Besides - all the folks that get to meet and greet you and work with you in that workshop are gonna be SOOOOOOOOO thrilled they and you came. It will be SOOOOOO worth this morning of Stressed Chick - everything good has a price.

Jennifer said...

That traveling thing- that is where my husband comes in extra handy. He is an expert at tickets and times- plus a very good location picker-outer. ;)

Kavindra said...

I so relate ... both to the extreme sensitivity to noise (arrgh) and the travel thing.

I wonder if you have a blog friend who will meet you for the NY layover business?

Even if not, you will be fine. Congratulations on these big scary steps! Yea, what Marcy says, go cat go :)

TheChicGeek said...

Good for you pushing the comfort zone! It's the only way we grow, isn't it. I find the fears that stop us from achieving our dreams are always worse than the work it takes to achieve them itself...when we just get out there and do it, somehow everything falls into place. Change is scary because we have fear of the unknown. There is a reason we seek the change though, and I believe it is our greater self calling us to grow, to live, to reach for the stars...
Enjoy your journey, BlissChick!

TheChicGeek said...

PS: When the noise stops, just think, you are going to have a beautiful roof to look at :D

Have a Happy Day!

Kavindra said...

PS
I have a sanity-saving tip for you and your life in general ...
Hie thee to a hardware store and get a pair of those hearing protectors that construction workers and lawn maintenance people use. Don't economize, get the best ones that run about 30 bucks. They are big, full of foam, and actually do block out most noises, including hammering, lawn mowers, leaf blowers, power drills ... all the joyous sounds of modern living that pluck your last nerve ;) They even Almost Work on jack hammers.

Girlie-Queue said...

I'm with Marcy... GO BLISSCHICK!

Yeah - it *could* all be seen as scary, but I believe you hold within you the embodiment of the phrase "The World is her Oyster." Take it for a spin :) Bet you'll love it.

I personally must squash the cynical "paternal" voices... the ones that ask "Why are you doing that?" with such sarcasm and distain for my precious doodlings... The simple answer for me is "Cause I wanna..." and by Jill, that's enough for me right now :)

So I reiterate - GO BLISSCHICK and share your brilliant, sparkly, love geographically :) We're rootin' for you :)
~S

Emma said...

Good work!! I can really understand why this is so challenging, but you are being COURAGEOUS and doing it!

I definitely know what you mean about arrhythmic* noise, too. That's the worst. You're constantly tensed, waiting for the next shock. I hope it's quiet now!

Again - Good work today!

*I copied this word from your post rather than trying to spell it. ;)

Tee said...

Amongst all this madness, take the time to breathe, be wholly in the moment, and remind yourself that you are too blessed to be stressed. Repeat as necessary. Namaste'.

Linda-Sama said...

I guess I won't be seeing you in Africa for yoga, huh? :)

8 countries, 8 weeks for me.....

Anonymous said...

Now that a day has passed, and you're most likely no worse for the wear, take a moment to appreciate the adversity of the day, acknowledge your strongchic for accomplishing all you needed to do and how well you performed under the stress of it all. Then remember that resiliency to have an easier experience when the time to travel is here. Squash the fears emanating from within that nagging voice!

svasti said...

Travel is definitely not one of my issues - the gypsy wanderlust bug bit me early and has never stopped biting. I'll put up with a *lot* to travel, see new sites, live in other countries. Living out of a backpack is rather beguiling for me!!

But there's plenty of other things that cause me anxiety, and situations where that little voice of negativity gets very LOUD.

I'm so glad you squished yours! Your travel and the reasons for it are going to be fantastic!!

Christine Claire Reed said...

Thank you all for the lovely support and suggestions.

Kavindra, I am loving this idea of meeting someone in New York. I'll have to review my schedule and check into that. Hmmmm...

Emma, I, too, had to cut and paste arrhythmic. (There, I just did it again!)