Just a couple of weeks ago, I acknowledged that my primary written expression right now is nonfiction...and that is okay. This is a big deal for a girl who has always had a prejudice that only novelists are "real" writers.
Well, this walking your bliss thing tends to end up being about peeling away layer after layer after layer, and I don't think there's an end in sight. ((sigh))
Today for Wishcasting Wednesday, Jamie asks:
What do you wish to acknowledge yourself for?
And I want to acknowledge myself for, pat myself on the back for, continuing this difficult work of being radically honest about who I am and what I want out of life.
It can be difficult to pay close enough attention to our old stories to notice what is not working for us anymore. To deconstruct when we are holding onto old ideas that are holding us back.
Holding onto this idea of "novelists are the only real writers" has kept me from working on projects that are just screaming to be heard. Projects that deserve to be written.
Yesterday, I had another of these ideas about myself knocked down a few more pegs.
Over the weekend, I had my epiphany about how, at some very essential level, I am a dancer -- and not a yogi. As I pointed out then, I will continue to study yoga philosophy and all other yoga components (especially chant).
Little did I know on Saturday, there were still more layers waiting to be peeled in this area.
Yesterday late afternoon, I was doing a set of Kundalini Yoga (NOT Ana Brett, I would like to add!). I was putting my all into it and sweating and really feeling it.
When I was finished, Marcy asked me what was wrong.
"Nothing. I'm just tired." (Typical non-answer!)
We sat. I wasn't really talking. (Very unusual!)
Marcy asked again, "Really...what's the matter. You look...MAD."
She was right! I was mad! And what makes me madder than anything in the world (just about)? I get mad when I am (drum roll) Bored.
Oh. My. God. I was mad because yoga had bored me. My body wanted more. My body wanted the challenge of dance. The creativity of dance. The wild abandon and the mindfulness and the total unification of my mind, body, and heart of dance.
This is possibly not a popular thing to say: Yoga is boring me.* But there it is. And it's not about you; it's about me, and that is my truth.
(*Yoga has saved my mental health. It has brought me to where I am and I will still be a student of Ravi Singh and Ana Brett -- who are moving toward Yoga Dance themselves.)
I acknowledge that I am brave in my truth-telling.
And that is what is about you: are you brave in your truth-telling? Are you holding back some truth from yourself because it is not particularly popular right now? Do you do things because everyone else is and there must be something there for you too?
What Truth Story are you avoiding because it doesn't fit into your Idea of You?
(Text & Photo Copyright: Christine C. Reed, blisschick.net, 2009)