I'm not a crier. When I do cry, I like it to be very, very private, and I like to "get it together" as quickly as I can.
Of course, with Marcy, this is completely different. She is my safety and my support, and she has witnessed more rivers of snot than I would like to remember.
We've had a bit of crying here at the training. To be brutally honest (which I always am)...at first? This totally put me off.
I thought, "Come on...so predictable," followed by a judicious roll of my eyes as I turned away from all that...embarrassing emotion.
Then. (As if you don't know what is coming.)
Far into Monday, there was a moment -- brief because I got it together -- during a relaxation after some intense movement, that there were a few tears. Tears I had no understanding of. It's not like the movement brought back some memory or brought some specific feeling into my body...it was just a few tears, seemingly out of nowhere.
I wrapped my arms around my head, a clear indication to others that I had no interest in being approached or "soothed."
Then a couple of images: me, very small. Short dark hair. A dress from when I was about five. Knee socks. Skipping. Dancing.
Okay. But still, get it together, I commanded, and I obeyed.
"I don't want to be one of them." I told myself.
Then today (Tuesday).
We had a different teacher, a male, for our afternoon, open-to-the-entirety-of-Kripalu YogaDance hour.
He was powerful and much more toward the dance end of the spectrum.
I was a puddle.
He used some (old) Michael Jackson that made me go into a zone and I was nailing it. Everyone in the room disappeared and it was just me and Michael and movement.
Two women (and another later) -- whom I respect here -- walked up to me and told me some things. Some wonderful, affirming, life-giving, water of life types of things.
Then we went into a standing relaxation and more tears came. I fought them. They kept coming. I was so happy that I couldn't process it fast enough.
I moved to an out of the way space...to get it together, of course.
Regardless of this need of mine to have major boundaries with my emotions, there is something massive shifting in this Chick. Massive.
How about you? Have you ever felt so happy that you bawled uncontrollably? What made that happen?