Monday, October 26, 2009

Learning to Trust Process

One of the greatest lessons I am learning right now is how much it matters that you do what you were meant to do.

You say, "What!? Hasn't that been the point of Blisschick all along?"

Well, yes, it has been, but that doesn't mean I am any better at understanding it than anyone else.

I want to be clear here, though. I am learning this lesson on a whole new level.

Because, you see, until you do the thing you were meant to do, you can think you are getting it but you're not.

I love to write, yet it's not my Essential Self in the same way as Dancer, so with writing, it's always been about product.

Now I totally get what it means to love Process and not be that concerned at all with Product.

That doesn't mean that I am not still waking in the middle of the night and thinking to myself, "What the hell am I doing?"

It just means that now when I ask myself that, I respond, "Just be quiet. Trust. It's going to all work out as it's meant to."

And here's the real kicker: I believe myself.

Today, a Thomas Merton quote came into my Inbox that is perfect for where I have arrived:

" we are used to thinking that there are explanations for everything. But there is no explanation for most of what goes on in our own hearts, and we cannot account for it all. No use resorting to mental tranquilizers that even religious explanations sometimes offer. Faith must be deeper than that, rooted in the unknown and in the abyss of darkness that is the ground of our being. No use teasing the darkness to try to make answers grow out of it. But if we learn how to have a deep inner patience, things solve themselves, or God solves them if you prefer, but do not expect to see how. Just learn to wait, and do what you can and help other people." (From Merton, The Road to Joy)

And then shortly after reading that quote, I read this great post about simply doing what makes you feel strong and letting go of this silly idea that we can do, be good at everything.

And I breathe more deeply than I have ever breathed.

And I say thank you to the process.

I could spend days, weeks, years lamenting the fact that I ever stopped dancing to begin with, or I could trust that I have come to it in this way and at this time for a reason, and then just let it go and let it be.

If you gave into the thing you love the most, how would this change your relationship to the Process of Living?

(Photo & Text Copyright, Christine C. Reed,, 2009)


Girlie-Queue said...

Gracious. That was so well put. Thanks for bringing it into words.

Big Love - that's all. Thanks to the process.

alisha said...

this is exactly what i've been doing, feeling and writing about for the past few months...too funny.

i have so much more peace now.

Emma said...

I'm enjoying your reflections on this! :)

Eco Yogini said...

i would be surrounded by music. all the time. my guitar would go everywhere with me. i would sing. i would write.

i would have zero money. lol.

i think what i feel from this article was more- i really need to let go of this feeling that people NEED to like me. this weird feeling of approval- the blog hasn't really helped. i don't have to be happy and nice all the time.

that's really what i got. :)

Linda-Sama said...

"Now I totally get what it means to love Process and not be that concerned at all with Product."

that's why yoga is a journey. even Buddha talked about the path to enlightenment being a process, forget about the product. let go and let be.

and I love the Thomas Merton quote. did you know he studied Buddhism?

I study with my teacher, a Buddhist monk, every other week and this morning we talked about the nature of the Universe (which Buddha never talked about.) My teacher said, as he told me Buddha said, "sometimes it's the wrong question."

think about that. ;)

and sometimes there are no answers.

Sue said...

It is interesting what you said about how you could spend uears lamenting how you ever stopped dancing in the first place. This is how I feel about yoga, actually, and I admit it is totally befuddling.

And there is a part of me that WANTS TO KNOW WHY I stopped doing something that I was loving and was so life-giving to me. And I think about Jungian shadow sides and all of that sort of stuff and about the newfound respect for how deep down I go that is not avaialble to my conscious mind. It is very fascinating to me, that there is a part of our psyches that seems to be for death.

But like the cliche says, best way to curse the darkness is to light a candle, right :) I guess it's just enough for me to know how amazing we are, really, how deep down and wide and up we go, us frail and beautiful and strong and weak human beings :)

Jan said...

It is all about living into the unknown, Christine, and as Merton says our faith for living comes out of that. I dove years ago, the Mysterious lured me in and that is when I fell in love with my life, with God, with others, and having answers didn't matter anymore. I salute you for doing the same. There are layers and layers of letting go. I am sure I will have many more too...Here's one for you from Osho Zen Tarot.

"With is no longer ordinary. It becomes overflowing. When the heart is innocent and the walls have disappeared you are bridged with infinity. Now is the moment to Jump...with no reservations, no safety net, no matter the outcome!"

svasti said...

*Nods head vigorously*.

Oh yes. And for me, like Linda, this is yoga. For you, its dance. For someone else, its painting. For another, its writing.

The thing that makes you sing, makes you feel like you can fly...

I taught my second ever yoga class last weekend. I was so nervous going into it. But when it was underway, it felt so very natural. So incredible. And when we finished and people opened their eyes and smiled and told me they enjoyed it I was blown away.

And I don't make too many detailed plans for my life any more. I generally know what I want to do and where I want to be. The rest I know I don't have a great deal of control over. And I'm ok with that, really :)

Rowena said...

Here's something I have been wondering for myself.

What if we aren't really "meant" to do anything at all, except live our lives fully and experience what happens and learn the workings of our hearts and mind?

What if we're not meant to be a writer or teacher or artist or dancer or mom or yogini or philosophical leader of the world.

What if

What if we're just meant to be?

I don't know. I really don't. It's hard for me to give up the ambition, even if it's for something alternative like being an artist, or simply painting 100 paintings or writing a novel in a month or publishing and making a living off of my work.

But what if we're all just okay the way we are and we don't need to chase something or be something else other than a person who lives fully?

Just putting it into the discussion. :)

Christine Claire Reed said...

Rowena, Yep, that is a valid question, of course.

My follow up question would be this: then what the heck is the point of having a PHYSICAL experience at all? If we are meant to just BE, we could do that in a disembodied state.

That's just where I've gotten with that.

Jennifer said...

How I love these posts.

(Why 'hello'! Remember me?)

So, this is sort of where I am right now. Letting life carry me. Things falling into place. Things that I didn't expect. Before I would have said that this made me feel trapped- like I'm on a leash being led instead of leading. And maybe I am being led, only now I'm realizing that being led is not always a bad thing. Does that make any sense?

Rowena said...

Hmmmm.... very interesting. I do think we are meant to be here on earth, in material form. This is where we learn. how do we learn? experience, mistakes, failure, working.

Maybe it's important that we take up the pursuit of SOMETHING. But couldn't that something just be living life as best we can?

I guess I'm struggling with our society's definition of success. Why do we have to be masters of the universe? Why can't we just be happy with what we can do and who we can touch.

Christine Claire Reed said...

Something -- yes, DO something; LOVE something -- with PASSION; DIVE IN. And that something is whatever is calling to you from your heart.

Society's definition of success?! Society would tell me to put a freaking lid on it. WHO do I THINK I AM!?!? Taking up dance again at FORTY!?!?!?

So, yes, SCREW THEM.

I am timeless. (Sticking out tongue) And I certainly don't have time for the Jones's or their rat race! :)

Tarot cards said...

Hmm Well I was just searching on Google for some Tarot readings of some Tarot reader
and just came across your blog, generally I just only visit blogs and retrieve my required
information but this time the useful information that you posted in this post compelled me
to reply here and appreciate your good work. I just bookmarked your blog