Thursday, October 1, 2009
The Struggle for Truth
(This post is in response to the Truth chapter in Martha Beck's The Joy Diet.)
My greatest difficulty in this life is with people who have different faces.
Who I am in a job situation is the same person I am if you meet me for a beer. This does not mean that I take my dirty laundry into work environments; that is a different topic all together. It means that I am consistent.
The person I am on this blog is very much who I am in real life. By virtue of the medium, it is not completely who I am, and there are things that are too private to share, but again, if you were to meet me in real life, you would recognize me. (Though Heather was surprised by how chatty I was; I thought I seemed chatty here...)
This conviction of truth telling and being consistent has been hard for some people around me, but those are people, truthfully, whom I do not want in my life.
I have had enough theatrics and lying in my life for many life times.
When you live with parents who insist that every hello or goodbye be accompanied by an "I love you" but then go on to demonstrate through actions the opposite of love, you want nothing but Real Truth in your life.
When you live in a house that is perceived as one way by the outside world but is, truthfully, quite the opposite behind closed doors, you want nothing but Real Truth in your life.
When you live in a larger family system that is comprised of dark secrets and closed doors around every corner, you want nothing but Real Truth, Open Truth, Lighted Truth in your life.
I am not perfect. Every day, I struggle to know my truth more clearly. But it is the struggle that counts.
Lies have cost me too much.
Lies have been force-fed to me and they choke.
I have stomached so many lies in the past that I was unable to digest real food.
Lies have been so embedded in my body that I ache to this day.
I have told my share of lies in order to protect my Fragile Truth.
I have lied about needs and desires, pretending to have neither so that I can't be hurt.
Only recently have I come clean with myself about my desire to dance.
The body never lies, said Martha Graham.
As I dance every single day, other hidden, lied-about desires begin to surface. At this point, they may only pop up momentarily, leaving behind a shadowy longing, a hint toward their resting place.
But these hints, I will gladly follow.
What heart desires do you lie to yourself about?
(Photo & Text Copyright: Christine C. Reed, blisschick.net, 2009)