I always call people on those stories they tell that begin with "I was born to be/do...but..."
"But what?!" I say to them. "There is no but...it's never too late...figure it out a different way..."
I am annoying, aren't I?
But could I hear myself using those same lines? No. Of course not. Not until now, anyway. I thought my "but" was legitimate -- as opposed to other people's. (Yes. I am totally making fun of myself, if you are missing that.)
My story has always been that I was born to be a dancer, that that is my most natural ability, that that is my greatest gift, but I was born into the wrong environment and missed my chance.
Yet if I excavate my core beliefs, this is nothing but bullshit.
I believe we are born into a time and a place for a reason. I believe that we go through all that we go through for a reason. I believe we take physical form to grow in very specific ways spiritually.
Saying I was born into the wrong environment is not a valid excuse in the face of these beliefs. It is illogical.
You see, I am walking this Path of Dancer every day. I work hard; I push myself; I focus on process. But I walk this Path with so much fear still about age and missed opportunity. I am not trusting my own beliefs or this Life.
If I really believe in the "no mistakes" theory, I must believe that I was born to be a Dancer who would get quite lost, who would suffer severe emotional distress, who would pull herself up, who would find love, and then, finally, find her True Self.
Sticking with this line of logic, I must then believe that there is meaning in finding Dance again at an age when most people are thinking about retiring or transitioning away from Dance.
There must be a purpose for me yet to be discovered in this particular role within this particular story. Just because I can't see it yet, doesn't mean it's not there.
A year ago, I would never ever have seen where I am right now. NEVER.
This is one of those cases when my Heart must allow my logical Brain to lead a bit. My Heart must trust this logic and abandon its fear -- a fear that still binds me and prevents me from leaping rather than just hopping about.
It turns out, you see, that I am the Cliff, the Bird, the Air Current, the Cloud, and the Beat of the Wing. I am the Impulse and the Action. I am the Great Unknown and also the Possibility.
This seems extra appropriate right now with Advent having just started -- a time of waiting for the birth of Light and Love and the fulfillment of Holy Longing.
Recently in a post, I wrote that I have experienced a rebirth.
Time to slap the baby's bum and get to the messy and beautiful living.
that spot is holy ground.
Amen, Martha. Amen.
Note: I leave this coming Sunday for Kripalu to complete my YogaDance teacher training. For the rest of this week, I'll be sharing some wonderful guest posts about obstacles to bliss. I will blog from my training, like last time.