Thursday, November 19, 2009

Panic at the Disco

There's no disco involved in this post, though there is dancing, and well, sometimes there is so much dancing here at the lilypad that maybe you could see it as a disco of sorts. A disco with cats!

Excuse the silly. Sugar and wine last night during our writing group.

Though there's no literal disco, there is some panic.

I woke up this morning in a bit of one -- again, a panic and not a disco. I would prefer, I think, waking up in the latter.

I woke up this morning with my mind already moving like a train through the countryside -- way too fast.

I realized, upon opening my eyes, that I am now less than two and a half weeks from returning to Kripalu for the second half of my YogaDance teacher training.

Now, I am excited about that. I am excited to see those people again. I am uber excited to be back on such a strict daily schedule (hello, German blood).

What I panic about is my perception that I have not met some crazy goals I set for myself for the time in between the two parts of the teacher training.

I have not gotten to three hours of movement a day.

I have not choreographed prayer dances and line dances and circle dances.

I have not become perfect!

I mock myself, but I think many of you understand.

Believe it or not, I am breathing, by the way.

I could go into emergency get-it-done mode but that won't happen, because a) I'm just not into that any more and b) hello?! Holidays!?

This is all about balance.

I have goals. It's good to have goals. But then how do you balance that so you don't become obsessed, like some wide eyed, steroid-enhanced hamster on the Wheel from Hell?


Emma said...

"I could go into emergency get-it-done mode but that won't happen, because a) I'm just not into that any more"

Hey! That deserves some celebration, doesn't it?

You may continue to set crazy goals, but you are finding ways not to drive yourself totally crazy about not being "perfect." :)

I think goals are guideposts that you move toward, but as you travel your journey is always changing. So, you moved toward those goals, but learned that it may take longer to get there than you initially expected or even that you have slightly different goals to move toward.

It's OK and you are OK. Good work! :) :) :)

Rachel said...

I used to think the world would end if I didn't get every single thing done.

At one point during my yoga teacher training I ran out of time. I was working full time in a very stressful job and doing my training and I realised on the Friday night that I had to teach a 10 minute sequence the next morning.

Do you know what I did? I didn't panic. I winged it. I went back to sleep on the Friday night, got up and went to training on Saturday and winged the whole ten minutes. And I passed.

And every time I feel like I am going into uber-panic-the-sky-is-falling-in mode I remember the day I winged my teacher training and how damn good it felt to be naughty - and that stops me panicking! :D x

Sheila said...

--- smiles & nods --- Just KEEP MOVING, Christine.

I've been saying there needs to be a PA, like AA for perfectionist recovery. Want to collaborate on writing the 12 Steps for that? (there's # - ask for help)
#2? Accept 'good enough' as enough good.

Hey - I think I may be on to something here...

Anonymous said...

I'm actually reading your blog everyday from Berlin, Germany, and thought more than once that your "voice" is somewhat truly American and yet iGerman, too; very intriguing & always inspiring. I'm currently exploring your Archive, to not miss out on any of your posts. I enjoy all of them and find them therapeutic, fun, thought-provoking, helpful, uplifting, and a gift.

Anonymous said...

Life would be so much easier if people stop letting holidays be an excuse or obstacle for anything. It's just another day (or so). It really means absolutely nothing and shouldn't be the reason why things don't get done or why you should be stressed. I wish we'd just do away with formal holidays and create our own on our own time and to be completely enjoyable and stress-free. Preferably without material possessions, junk food and all the other toxic things that prohibit our progress.

Be happy dancing! :) That's it. The end of your job. All the rest will follow.

Tom Bailey said...

I like your blog.

I like your blog. Having goals is great for providing a direction - smaller subgoals - timeblocking for things seems to work well for me too.

IrishPoet said...

I know just how you feel...I've been in my 200 hour Yoga Teacher Training since Sept. and now that we're halfway thru I'm starting to PANIC also, because it feels like I SHOULD be much further along, more comfortable in front of class, more devoted to my studies, etc. And then I realize that what's necessary is to stop and...BREATHE!

And I can relate to what Rachel said (above) because that EXACT same thing has happened to me twice now in my YTT...but it's not gonna stop me OR you from accomplishing or creating the life we intend, 'cause tramps like us, baby we were born to run'...and dance!!! :)

svasti said...

I think anyone who's ever done a teacher training course has asked themselves these questions.

It came up amongst my fellow students and I. "We're not perfect. There's some poses we still can't do properly. How can we teach if we're not perfect?"

Yeah, well... who is?

We are learning to be teachers, to teach and share. But we won't be teaching advanced students from the get-go. We will be teaching beginners.

And. Our own process of learning never stops. There's no schedule as such, in terms of when we finally master X pose.

All there needs to be is the desire to learn, the action of practicing and the ongoing commitment. And teaching forms part of the learning.

Good for you, for not panicking.

And happy, happiest of birthdays! :D