Monday, November 30, 2009

Rewriting Story

My wings reside in my feet...

I always call people on those stories they tell that begin with "I was born to be/do...but..."

"But what?!" I say to them. "There is no but...it's never too late...figure it out a different way..."

I am annoying, aren't I?

But could I hear myself using those same lines? No. Of course not. Not until now, anyway. I thought my "but" was legitimate -- as opposed to other people's. (Yes. I am totally making fun of myself, if you are missing that.)

My story has always been that I was born to be a dancer, that that is my most natural ability, that that is my greatest gift, but I was born into the wrong environment and missed my chance.

Yet if I excavate my core beliefs, this is nothing but bullshit.

I believe we are born into a time and a place for a reason. I believe that we go through all that we go through for a reason. I believe we take physical form to grow in very specific ways spiritually.

Saying I was born into the wrong environment is not a valid excuse in the face of these beliefs. It is illogical.

You see, I am walking this Path of Dancer every day. I work hard; I push myself; I focus on process. But I walk this Path with so much fear still about age and missed opportunity. I am not trusting my own beliefs or this Life.

If I really believe in the "no mistakes" theory, I must believe that I was born to be a Dancer who would get quite lost, who would suffer severe emotional distress, who would pull herself up, who would find love, and then, finally, find her True Self.

At 40.

Sticking with this line of logic, I must then believe that there is meaning in finding Dance again at an age when most people are thinking about retiring or transitioning away from Dance.

There must be a purpose for me yet to be discovered in this particular role within this particular story. Just because I can't see it yet, doesn't mean it's not there.

A year ago, I would never ever have seen where I am right now. NEVER.

This is one of those cases when my Heart must allow my logical Brain to lead a bit. My Heart must trust this logic and abandon its fear -- a fear that still binds me and prevents me from leaping rather than just hopping about.

It turns out, you see, that I am the Cliff, the Bird, the Air Current, the Cloud, and the Beat of the Wing. I am the Impulse and the Action. I am the Great Unknown and also the Possibility.

This seems extra appropriate right now with Advent having just started -- a time of waiting for the birth of Light and Love and the fulfillment of Holy Longing.

Recently in a post, I wrote that I have experienced a rebirth.

Time to slap the baby's bum and get to the messy and beautiful living.

Wherever a dancer stands ready,
that spot is holy ground.
--Martha Graham

Amen, Martha. Amen.

Note: I leave this coming Sunday for Kripalu to complete my YogaDance teacher training. For the rest of this week, I'll be sharing some wonderful guest posts about obstacles to bliss. I will blog from my training, like last time.

6 comments:

Kate_TW said...

Amen! & thanks. I'm grinning.

JFKlaver said...

Every time I think I missed the opportunity of a lifetime, life presents that same opportunity—only bigger! The first missed opportunity is usually because I was thinking of "me" instead of "How to share this gift?" The next time around, I'm presented not only with the gift, but with the opportunity to share. Enjoy this new journey—The Universe has something BIG planned for you.

Sallie Ann said...

Every morning my mantra is, "be the person you wish for in your life and create the life you've dreamed of. It's all within you," and you just confirmed this blurb of mine. Love it...so inspiring.

Jan said...

I love what you said, Christine, it is never too late to be what you might have been. Perhaps not to the degree we think, perhaps not even in the exact way we hoped, but we can live out the value of it and more. I, for example, may not ever have a #1 bestselling book but that does not mean I should stop writing, or write what gives me joy or helps others. That would be so silly!

I hope you have a marvelous time at Kripulu. Dance away, fly away, soar!

Laura Hegfield said...

dance that dance...the one you started on your physical day of birth and keep on dancing...you've clearly been doing it all along the way!
May you dance with those winged feet well into your 90's...ok now...AMEN!

svasti said...

Sorry I haven't posted in a while! I've been meaning to get back here and to a coupe of other blogs too.

Anyways... very best of luck with your second training session. I'm sure its going to be amazing! :D