Tuesday, December 15, 2009

The Unexpected Bliss of Eco Yogini

Returning from a week at Kripalu places a specific demand upon me: Rest and Integration. For this to happen, I need to go deep inside. So this week I am honored to present a series of posts by some wonderful writers about their experiences of Unexpected Bliss.

The Eco-Yogini is a Speech-Language Pathologist from Nova Scotia Canada, who is passionate about yoga and the environment. She writes on her blog about her struggle to integrate these passions into her daily life, including in the planning of her wedding and in the eating of chocolates.

by Eco-Yogini

Christine sent me a little note a few weeks ago about a "secret" she wanted to share... and I thought: YES, I ADORE secrets! This one was especially exciting as it was an invitation to guest post on her wonderful space while she was recovering from the awesomeness of Dance. The topic: Something that has recently and UNEXPECTEDLY brought you bliss.

I gotta admit, this was a difficult question. Recently, my life hasn't been especially fun, and although not catastrophic, I definitely get mere snippets of Bliss during my weeks.

However, just the other day I had a *moment.* I was driving home from a particularly stressful day of work and heard Halifax's "one song in a row" request...for Billie Jean. I have historically resisted this song, as my name kinda fits there and people have sung it out throughout my childhood. But that day...I cranked the song and felt...something. An urge.

"I should play this song. I bet it's easy to learn. I should sing it TONIGHT!"

After a month of silence from my guitar (my beautiful Larrivée) from being sick with... The Hog or whatnot, I decided that my first song back would be Billie Jean. What the heck.

I should preface this by explaining that music has been an integral part of my life since I was 10 years old. From classical piano and singing lessons to learning the guitar and forming a band, I HEART music more than any single thing in my life. From Maynard's beautifully haunting voice to Jenn Grant's funky melancholy, I would completely fold should my hearing flutter away.

Singing used to bring me so much happiness... but recently with sickness, stress and perhaps the fact that I'm getting older and feel the "open mic" scene has passed, my Music has been silent. No new songs written, no close your eyes and fill your heart.

Until last week.

I sat down, practiced a few times, took a deep breath and began. The chords are a bit tricky for my wimpy, unpracticed fingers and the wording isn't all that familiar but the BLISS. Oh My Goddess, the sense of completeness, of wholeness... of MYSELF shouting "Here I am!!!!"

Oh, how I missed Her, that confident and strong Me. I sang Billie Jean from the "ou ou's" right up to the very last chorus at least five times that night. It had nothing to do with Michael Jackson or the lyrics but how that melody FLOWED from my heart and let me know that my Voice may have been hiding but she was still there. Ready to fill me up.

Never in a million years would I have predicted that Billie Jean would bring back my Music Bliss from her squelched and healing place.

Now I am complete again.

I hope you, Christine's fantastic readers, have had such a moment recently of just closing your eyes and feeling WHOLE.


JFKlaver said...

We're in the same place! I sat down at the piano last week after years away from it. Just started playing. Was surprised I still could, but the music was still in me. I've been playing every day since. Don't even know why I stopped, but it's so good to feel like "me" again. I'm so happy for us!

Emma said...

Keep the music flowing!! :)

Jan said...

Oh, this is just a marvelous post. Thank you for sharing your moment of bliss. I am cheering you onward. I chuckled when you called out in thanks to the Goddess. When I do the same, honoring the Sacred Feminine in me, I DO feel absolutely whole and happy--and blissed! May the music continue to bring you joy. :-)

Eco Yogini said...

thanks everyone for such lovely comments! :)

I'm so glad that there are others where I am too!! WOOT