Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Healing, Part 2: Doing What You Love
My first impulse when something "bad" happens is to just stop. I just stop doing all those things that I know will make me feel better, because (confession) I don't want to feel better, damn it.
Is that you, too?
I think this is habit from so many years of succumbing to depression. If I feel at all badly, even in a perfectly normal and appropriate-to-the-situation sort of way, I feel myself slipping into those bad habits, slipping toward that slippery slope. I've written about these habits before.
Now that Dancing is such a huge part of my life, it is the first thing I try to throw out when I feel grouchy, sad, or anxious.
This time, though, something different happened.
After Rosie the Cat passed away, I did not curl up on the couch and cover myself in a blanket and wish for the world to go away.
One of my first thoughts the day after was: "I'll clean today. That makes me feel better, more in control, which is fine, but tomorrow...back to dancing!"
What? Who is this person who knows what she has to do and then, Wait! What? DOES IT!?
Within two days of her passing, I was teaching Marcy a YogaDance class. This is not something you can do without tasting the sweetness that is life and joy. You can resist but it is futile (Borg reference for the geeks out there).
Within four days, I was at my ballroom dance classes. I was laughing, teasing, downright Giggling, and clapping with happy.
Here's the thing: This gift, this bliss you've been given? It's not just for when things are going well. It is HOW things go well. No matter what those "things" are.
Being brave is not for the Sunshine Days. Choosing Bliss is not for the Picnics on the Beach days.
Be Brave. Choose Bliss. In the face of it all.