Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Healing, Part 2: Doing What You Love

My first impulse when something "bad" happens is to just stop. I just stop doing all those things that I know will make me feel better, because (confession) I don't want to feel better, damn it.

Is that you, too?

I think this is habit from so many years of succumbing to depression. If I feel at all badly, even in a perfectly normal and appropriate-to-the-situation sort of way, I feel myself slipping into those bad habits, slipping toward that slippery slope. I've written about these habits before.

Now that Dancing is such a huge part of my life, it is the first thing I try to throw out when I feel grouchy, sad, or anxious.

This time, though, something different happened.

After Rosie the Cat passed away, I did not curl up on the couch and cover myself in a blanket and wish for the world to go away.

One of my first thoughts the day after was: "I'll clean today. That makes me feel better, more in control, which is fine, but tomorrow...back to dancing!"

What? Who is this person who knows what she has to do and then, Wait! What? DOES IT!?

Within two days of her passing, I was teaching Marcy a YogaDance class. This is not something you can do without tasting the sweetness that is life and joy. You can resist but it is futile (Borg reference for the geeks out there).

Within four days, I was at my ballroom dance classes. I was laughing, teasing, downright Giggling, and clapping with happy.

Here's the thing: This gift, this bliss you've been given? It's not just for when things are going well. It is HOW things go well. No matter what those "things" are.

Never stop.

Being brave is not for the Sunshine Days. Choosing Bliss is not for the Picnics on the Beach days.

Be Brave. Choose Bliss. In the face of it all.


Laura Hegfield said...

Beautiful post Christine! RESISTANCE to the joys of life (maybe especially in the midst of sadness) is indeed FUTILE. The goodness always creeps back light beneath a closed door. There's no escape...even a blanket is light permeable.

Wild Roaming One (WRO) said...

OMG Christine, this post, the power of your revelations zinged my heart today and brought tears of gratitude to my eyes! Yes! Oh Yes! to being brave and choosing bliss while feeling suffering and sadness! It's hard, freaking damn hard, and I'm not in a place where I automatically go to choosing bliss instead of under the covers...but I'm getting there! Thank you so much for writing about this...

Peace & Glee,

alisha said...

thanks for this reminder. a lot of days it really is easier to fall into the spiraling cycle of depression. sometimes i like just being moody and upset. weird, huh? but i need to choose bliss no matter what!

Lisa said...

Thanks for the post. Falling into the habit of depression resonates with me. My tendency is to fall into the habit of negative thoughts which then, of course, leads to other things. Thanks for reminding me that I have a choice.

Girlie-Queue said...

Thank you... I am so completely in this place right now. And i so totally 'get it' - I wanted to just curl up and do absolutely nothing for the next year after I lost the dance studio. But instead, I would go home, and every night for 2 weeks, Shelly would crank up his guitar rig and I would just dance the mad woman's dance all over our home-studio. That whole process really made some deep connections for me - made me be more 'OK' with the loss.

(((Big Hugs))) for you all, dancing your way to bliss.

Jan said...

Christine, I love the thought of being brave. It doesn't even have to be wild brave. It can be tenuous brave. Just take a step. Do a little dance, eh? I am glad you are stepping out....xo

Namaste_Heather said...

Beautiful! Yes! All we have is this moment anyway!

Elaine said...

I have just discovered your blog and it is wonderful! I, too, am owned by cats, but they are young - 3 years and 2 years. I am hoping for many, many years with them.

I love the "Be Brave, Choose Bliss." This is such a proactive and joyful choice.

Thank you!

Anonymous said...

Pease and comfort to you in your healing journey.

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