Friday, February 12, 2010

Active Body, Aware Mind

(Random, wonderfully colored Acorn squash.)

We finally got some snow. We live in a snow belt, but we've had a pretty light year compared to the East coast. Anyway, this is not about weather. The snow was wet and heavy, which means it has generally been wet and cold here.

Dry and cold, wet and warm...those I can take. But wet and cold? That is the stuff of pain for me. My body hates this kind of weather. Spring is extra hard for this reason. Here, spring is the season of mud -- mud with little ice bursts in it.

Right now (ready?) lower back hurts, my rib trigger points are inflamed, my brain is foggy, and I am getting migraine brain* symptoms like Alice in Wonderland Syndrome, which I hate. With a passion. It makes me sick just typing out the name of it. I feel it in my stomach.

(*The medical community is finally moving away from an old understanding of migraine as a "bad headache" and starting to understand it as a neurological disorder.)

This migraine brain comes with a whole host of delicate emotional/psychological stuff, too, that I won't get into, but suffice it to say, it makes me edgy, suspicious, and extra OCD.

I am a real pleasure to be around, can't you tell?

But what is really weird about all of this is that I might be a little (or a lot) WhineChick, but overall, I am pretty damn good, and that is true because I am AwareChick.

I see that all of this is going on. For the first time in my life, actually, I can see clearly that I am symptomatic and so I have the symptoms but then I don't respond to them or create stories around them. Before, some of my favorite stories, included (but were not limited to): I must be seriously I go! or I am sick and dying, for sure this time.

Those stories might pop up from time to time, but I just say, "Hello, Story, you are just a story," and move on.

Literally. Move. On. Get moving. Go dance. Sweat it out.

When we are dancing (or participating in a type of movement that makes us sweat, laugh, and feel our essential joy), we are completely in and of the Present Moment. When we drop into our bodies, we get out of Brain -- where concepts like the Past and Future reside, otherwise known as Depression and Anxiety.

There is a consciousness in Body that is bigger and smarter than brain, and from this perch of full body Awareness, I can watch the games that Brain plays. Seeing the games for what they are, I no longer engage, and in this way, I win.


Jan said...

Christine, thought this post is "simple," it carries for me one of the most powerful truths I am learning about myself....I am not my symptoms. They are something I am experiencing in the moment. I can notice them and see how they want to take me down a self-delusional road that, somehow, I AM my headache, or nervousness, or melancholy. Today I am learning that I am NOT these things. I only AM if I allow them to define me.

You offer us a powerful reminder that we can observe, name, and not get hooked into (or defined) by this "stuff." Bravo to you for this. Today I hope are dancing. Today I will be walking, reconnecting with my body in a delicious way. xo

Michele Fischer said...

What a wonderful post-and being able to writ in the midst of how you are feeling and not in retrospect is truly powerful. I send you lots of light for healing.

Bethany said...

So true. Love how you put into words what I'm only just starting to learn.

I've been reading less blogs lately, exercising in the evening. But the other night before bed I clicked on one of yours. I was so tired I couldn't read it through. But I woke up in the morning asking you this in a dream:
"What does it feel like inside your bliss?"

Dovelily said...

Well, said! I am a ChickofManyColorsandMoods. I try to be my own BlissChick, but AnxiousandDepressedChick have been ruling the roost for the past couple of weeks. Thank you for the reminder that I can choose which thoughts occupy my mind at any given time. :-)

claire said...

I am glad you mentioned this post in your blog yesterday. I read it and found interesting until this morning when I too -- after quite a while of muddling through -- I called my own symptom. And I thought of you and your blog.
So thank you, AwarenessChick :-)