Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Body Talk: Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who's the Craziest of Them All?
(This squirrel claims to know the Groundhog of the Day, but I think squirrels tend to be full of talk talk talk.)
Marcy and I have one full length mirror in our house, and it's really more 3/4 length and very narrow. It's cheap and gives a bit of fun-house off. We threw it up in the basement so we would have somewhere to check if our shoes worked okay with this or that outfit.
Going to ballroom dance class at a dance studio has been a bit of a shock because of that long wall of mirrors, and unless you spend the yearly budget of a small country, most likely those mirrors in a dance studio are not what is called "perfect." The reflection they give off is skewed.
For weeks now, I have forced my partner to work in class in the far corner from those mirrors, but last night, there were more couples than usual, including a new couple that is very tall and cannot really see my partner and I from those heights. (This is my way of saying that they were getting into our space -- a lot.)
My partner suggested that we find a new spot. Knowing my OCD "tendencies," he was being very brave.
Being the delightful bundle of neuroses that I am, my claustrophobia won out over my OCD and I happily agreed to try a spot up near the mirrors. And by "near" I mean practically pressed against them.
I feel like I've come really far with my body image issues, which range from, you know, disordered eating to dysmorphic disorder.
Those mirrors would tell a different story.
I realized that they were a blessing and a curse. It was nice to be able to watch the details of our posture. For example, it was a good way to decide exactly how my hand looked way better laying flat on his rather than gripping around his fingers like a claw of death. It cured some hand issues I was having instantly!
But...Oh, the but.
But I was also looking at how my hips were still wider than I thought they were and that my front looked puffy and is that really my ass?
And, oh, god, you can tell my age by my jaw line.
I could go on but you get the idea, as I'm sure many of you have the same sort of Evil Mirror in your life.
Of course, it's not the mirror's fault; it's mine. That mirror just reflected back to me how far I have to go on this journey.