Friday, February 5, 2010

Home Alone


Marcy is home from her time writing in a cabin.

While she was gone, as usual, some of my demons decided to come for tea, but this time, something different happened. I set a trap like that kid in that movie, and pretty soon, those demons were pretty much lookin' like...dumb asses. Like the adults in that movie. Ha!

The first night I was here by myself was pretty typical. I stayed up later than my body likes, thinking this would make me so tired that my head would hit the pillow and my brain would have no time to notice that I was by myself in our house.

Nope. Brain was sleepy but still aware. The next day I was grouchy, as I wrote about on here, but I worked through it. The second night -- ah, the second night -- was different.

I always take a hot bath before bed, and when I am in the house alone, this is where my fears really start to kick it up a notch. My OCD brain concocts all sorts of scenarios, most of which are not unique. My OCD brain loves to borrow from bad movies or snippets of news that it has somehow caught on the fly.

(There are a ton of reasons why all of my fears are completely illogical, but there's no need to go into that here -- OCD brain is not about logic. Ever.)

My hot bath doesn't last long when Marcy is not in the house, because I start to envision that someone is making his way up the stairs and down the hallway. I start to see the headlines about my bloody death. Oh, the drama that my fear, my brain is so fond of.

I get out of the tub and keep as many lights on as long as possible. I get into bed and the tossing and turning commences. Usually.

But last night, I found the trap that was able to contain my fears. My brain was racing, as was my heart. Suddenly, it hit me...

So what?!

SO. WHAT?!

Here's the thing, OCD brain, you can chatter all you want. You can build flaming towers of fear, and it doesn't matter because I lived my day well.

This is huge: I lived my day well.

Like I said, the fears are totally illogical, but let's say, it's true, silly brain, let's say that someone is about to come down that hallway and take me out. Guess what?

I lived my day well.

So there.

And I fell asleep without another bad thought.


14 comments:

Bohemian Single Mom said...

Sorry, but you have me laughing over here - you write with such an awesome sense of humour! 100%AGREED- what IS IT about horror movies and the vulnerablity of being in the tub or the shower? It's always demonstrated (quite graphically), why we should NEVER put ourselves in such a vulnerable position when home alone. lol
But hey, YAY for you - you made it!
You did it!
You lived your day well! :)
Awesome post!!

Elize said...

brilliant!! You lived your day well- that's what it's all about, isn't it? I can't control anything, except maybe how I live my day in whatever circumstances I've got.... oh, loved this post!

Heather Plett said...

Here's a little smile for you... While I was reading your post, Maddie was looking over my shoulder and read the "so what" part. She burst into song... "So what? I'm still a rock star!"

So there's your morning boost - you're a rock star! Maddie says so.

differenceayearmakes said...

Oh, I know that Home Alone fear. I suppose we can blame Hitchcock.

Lisa said...

Super!

Congratulations!

FEAR = False Evidence Appearing Real

Thanks for this powerful example of overpowering our demons :)

claire said...

Bravo, BlissChick! You had a graced moment! What an inspiration -- for me!
Thanks.

Bethany said...

Oh I LOVE that line.
I lived my day well.
I am just starting to learn how to to that. You are an inspiration and an amazing teacher.
Thank you.

tinkerbell the bipolar faerie said...

Oh, good for you! Can you hear me cheering for you? Right on! Doesn't it feel guuuuud?

Sandy said...

I do not like to soak in the tub when home alone. It makes no sense but the anxiety overwhelms me if I force myself to move beyond it and I end up worse off than before I started. Thanks for sharing.

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Dovelily said...

LOL - good for you! That's putting those old demons and your OCD brain in their place! Loved this post!

silvrtop said...

Fantastic post. Way to go! Tell those demons where to go. I especially appreciated "I lived my day well"....very comforting thought. Thank you for sharing.

svasti said...

I giggled at the mention of your OCD mind taking snippets from bad movies to fuel your fears, and the idea of someone creeping up the stairs to murder you in your bath!

Not because I'd find it amusing if you WERE to be murdered in your bath... just that I'm certainly prone to those kind of dramatics as well.

Glad you found a way to put OCD mind in it's place and that Marcy had some lovely time away. And that you survived in tact, un-murdered, hehe!! ;)

Jeanne Klaver said...

You lived your day well...