Tuesday, February 9, 2010

Tweeting My Way to Self Understanding

(Marcy in the woods at the writing cabin.)

On Monday morning, I was on twitter and I mentioned the fact that I was having Monday Morning CrankyChick Syndrome. Marcy works late on Mondays at the library and so she is home for the first part of the day and then leaves. This throws both of us off in a variety of ways, even though it has been like this for many years.

Anyway, in response to my Cranky tweet, Birkan Tore (an incredibly sweet intuitive out of Amsterdam) responded with: *throws fairy dust from a safe distance*

Which just made me burst into giggles. Deep tummy giggles that sent some sort of healing vibration throughout my body, I think, because I felt a lot better instantly.

Beyond that, his words made a bunch of vague thoughts and feelings snap into place, and I understood instantly that I have been way out of balance for some time now, and further I understood what the imbalance was about and what has to be done.

All from a little tweet!

Since I have rediscovered dance as my primary path in this life, I have also discovered that it is my primary spiritual path. It is a path that acts much like a strand of DNA -- winding in and out of itself, it includes and blends all of the parts that make up the larger Me. All of them -- this body and this heart and this mind and this spirit and this microcosm and this macrocosm -- it all meets in and melds together in Dance.

A little bit of background: I have always been a "religious" sort of person besides a "spiritual" person. (Sometimes these terms make me want to choke but I have to express this in language or we won't be having a discussion.) Anyway, the religious part of me is very liberation theology Catholic, and specifically, I have a devotion to Mary (very specifically in this form), the last remnant of feminine divinity in all of Western religion.

Since I have been dancing, I have barely paid any attention to her and this has been gnawing at the back of my brain for some time. I don't like this.

But I also understand that things -- all things -- wax and wane. Up and down. In and out. Dark nights and bright days. You know.

Back to dance: I accepted that it is not just my material existence that is fulfilled through dancing but also my spiritual and so I began to relax a bit about the lack of Mary thing. I know it is there, always, deep within me, and that outer expression changes and morphs over time.

But...here is the big but! (giggle)...My dancing life has been morphing into almost exclusively the Mundane. I focus on getting in shape, increasing my flexibility, learning steps for ballroom, finding people to teach.

I love all of that. All of that is Good Stuff.

But my Spirit needs to be tended to, also, and that is what Birkan Tore's fairy dust reminded me of: I need the Sacred along with the Mundane. Again, like that DNA strand, they have to wind in and out of each other or I am not Me.

I am in need of Wonder and Awe and Magic in this life. I am in need of Sparkle -- and I don't mean just shiny, pretty things (thought I do need those) but that kind of Sparkle that I met during my near death experience.

I haven't figured out the details yet, but identifying the problem is half the battle, right?

Besides, Lent starts next week. What better time to be evaluating all of this!?

(Heather, over at Fumbling for Words, is also dealing with some balance issues. For another take on this, go here.)


Girlie-Queue said...

;-) GOOD STUFF! And Birkan is totally the most awesome for faery dust enlightenment. One of my first spiritual lessons ever was the Mind/Body/Spirit/Emotion balance game. Spend time with each every day... I fail too often. But I can totally relate to your dancing efforts, the least of which being the mundanity of: technique, strength, fitness, etc. This was why Bellydance was so huge to me in the beginning. Because the first place I ever cut loose was under the trees and stars in front of a roaring fire with the sound of drums and guitar. That was spiritual? Religious? I dunno, but it struck a chord for sure. Now I see dance (any dance in which I am 'aware' - even if I am not 'in charge') as the place where the veil is thinnest and I can communicate with my guides the best. I consider it my *Magic* time. Most of all lately for me though - not being responsible for a business in which I 'dance as a job' (no stress) has allowed me some of the sweetest moments of magic I could have ever wished. Working to regain some level of balance... but playing seems like more fun right now.

Privilege of Parenting said...

Perhaps the mother is matter and the sparkle is light energy. Perhaps the dance is incarnation itself? Perhaps the ultimate magic is the love of what is, of our world in its multi-dimensional, multi-emotional and ever changing form.

What if we gave up fear and desire for lent?

Lisa said...


Sounds like we're going through similar 'stuff' these days.

Hugs to you as you heal, re-focus, go deeper, seek Mary...find balance.

tinkerbell the bipolar faerie said...

1. I have a special fondness for Mary, because of the suffering that motherhood brought her ~ loss of a child is sthg I can identify with. Mary embodies a quiet strength and grace that I've tried to emulate. Among other things, she teaches me acceptance.

2. When we do that thing for which we were created - dance, in your case - we are engaging in a special kind of devotion, don't you think?

3. Balance, for me, seems like a process or blueprint, not a destination or state of being.

4. It's splendid, isn't it, how a seemingly trifle gesture or words/thought can turn things around? I experienced a similar thing in meat space this week.

5. This faerie sends you some magical faerie dust to brighten your day.


Laurina said...

This is great, I really enjoyed your post first thing in the morning....balance is something many of us seem to be seeking :) Love you blog, have been following it for months! Greetings from Kosovo x