Tuesday, March 23, 2010

Bloated & Uncomfortable: Having Too Many Ideas and Not Knowing What's Next

(Lilly in the window. All that snow outside is now gone.)

The other day I wrote about feeling weird. Weird was the best word I could come up. (Yep, an undergraduate and graduate degree in English and look at my giant vocabulary! Sometimes my dexterity with language impresses even me...ha.)

I have experienced an immense amount of (good) change in the past nine months, and now I am feeling off balance, like I have not completely adjusted to that change. Yet a couple of other things are going on here, and Heather Plett hit the nail on the head in the comments when she compared it to that momentary let-down feeling that can happen after a literal birthing.

First, I am off balance. It's going to take time to adjust to this Me that I am right now. She is radically new. She is happy. And that is weird, frankly.

Second, I am in that speck of let-down stage that happens after any birth. I have created this new life for myself and...now what?

Third, and here's the biggie, there is more birth around the corner. I can feel it, and because I've gone back to my dance/dreams journaling, I see it now in pen and ink.

I am Pregnant with Ideas.

I have ideas for classes, ideas for workshops, ideas for books, ideas for choreography, ideas for playlists, ideas for marketing, ideas for this blog.

I am Bloated, for goodness sake! I am in danger of Popping! (As we would say about the Mini Cat, Toby, after he eats a big bowl of meat.)

I have somehow created a metaphor here that I do not know how to get out of. I could say something about gas or relief or even enemas, but I won't.

How about patience? Yes. Patience is the antidote to all this weird. And patience is not something I ever got any kind of degree in...


Brooks Hall said...

Yeah, it sounds like being with the "strangeness" is good. Try to enjoy happiness. Release expectations about what it's SUPPOSED to look like. You are creating your own thing. And breathe...

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Oh, the headiness of that first flowering of creativity! It's such an exciting time, enjoy it! (And P.S. glad to see that pesky comments function is now working as it should!)

claire said...

More birth is around the corner... Yes, undoubtedly, Christine. And I cannot wait to see all that 'materializes.'

For the moment, I enjoy 'being.' Your image of pregnancy brings back memories of 'placidity' in the last months, when it becomes heavy to move and nice to rest.
But you have put something in motion -- in me too :-)))


Christine Claire Reed said...

Brooks! Hitting the nail on the head, as usual. :) "Try to enjoy happiness..." Yep. I find myself confused by it! And I just need to let it be.

Claire, I also anticipate all that is coming for YOU! :)

Debra -- You and me both about the comments. Sigh.

Melita said...

don't you love the feeling of being bloated with ideas?! love your new header. you are so truly inspiring. hope your tuesday is a tranquil one. hugs!!

Heather Plett said...

Ah yes, patience... not my dearest friend either. It's a good thing Mother Nature imposes 9 month pregnancies on us, or I would have done it quickly and gotten it over with and NEVER would have had enough time to mentally prepare myself for the radical change that is birth.

Blessings to you, dear friend. :-)

Linnea said...

Christine, I have a head full of muck and words aren't working too well for me at the moment, but I want to say it's been a joy to witness your "birthing process."

Shauntelle @ wonderful & marvelous said...

Gosh do I understand that feeling! I've been learning my own rhythms and it never fails that after I finally *get* some life lesson or accomplish a goal, I hit this jag of feeling strange and unbalanced. It's almost always a forerunner to a creative spurt.

Jan said...

Oh, patience, yes, that is a challenging one. Perhaps one of the most difficult "virtues" to practice. I, for one, am very glad you have birthed this new you and that you are full of great ideas. I hope that you will get more comfortable and allow all of them to tumble out when the time is right..or at least those that really touch your heart and are BEGGING to be born. Enjoy!

Rachelle Mee-Chapman said...

Hi Christine,

I just dropped by today to say "I SEE you!" (you big pregnant idea goddess.)