Thursday, April 15, 2010
Get Off That Wheel, Little Hamster!
(Lilly and Toby and some passion vine...signs of the summer to come.)
"I really am feeling like that hamster on a wheel...my little legs just going, going, going, but I'm still in one spot."
I found myself saying this to Marcy the other night, and it was disturbing. We've always tried very hard to stay mindful of the day to day rhythms of our life together. We've made choices that create more serenity and open space.
Suddenly, as I embark on fully living my passion and purpose, I find myself being...typical.
Here's what I mean by "typical:"
Always working. I'm rarely ever just being.
Constantly judging my projects as successful or not.
Looking for ways to bring in more success.
Feeling an anxious need for more, better, bigger, and faster.
Going through the motions in order to mark things off my "to do" list. (Even with the "spiritual" components of life.)
Or just skipping the spiritual components all together because they take time, focus, and silence.
You get the idea.
After saying the above to Marcy, I added, "The way I'm acting, I may as well have a job in a cubicle."
Luckily something woke me from this stupor -- the nightmares I wrote about recently.
It hasn't been so much the actual nightmares but some things I've done to deal with them. I mentioned that I would be doing a 40 day kundalini kriya -- a morning chant to Ganesha, the remover of obstacles.
Marcy thought I should try something a bit different. I got out a prayer card I have for Joan of Arc and placed it by my bed. At night, I use the card right before going to sleep.
The Kriya lasted one day, but I've been working with the card every night. My nightmares are gone, and I've been sleeping exceptionally well.
I've also been more mindful of pre-bed ritual. And I realized, as much as I teach other people to use Kundalini yoga breaths, I myself have completely stopped using them unless I am on the mat.
Physician heal thyself... Walk the talk... Practice what you preach...
Time to step off that wheel and treat my life with the respect it deserves. Time to re-institute the ritual that gives my life meaning. Time to slow down and breathe.
Here are some things I've not been doing that are important to my soul and my creativity and my emotional health:
Pre-bed kundalini yoga. A small, short but powerful set of movement and breath that works to "turn down" the nervous system.
Deep breathing in my pre-bed hot salt bath. I don't remember the last time I did this on a regular basis, and last night, it felt wonderful.
Reading for stretches. Not reading for stretches is a big indication that my focus is way off.
Re-committing to my movement journal.
Sitting in the yard and watching birds and not doing anything but that.
Sitting on the floor and playing with the cats.
Playing with dance rather than just working on my body.
There are a lot of other things but that's enough for now. In general, I need to slow down and breathe in deeply this joy that I have found. This is not a race.