Thursday, April 8, 2010
Nightmares & Becoming New
(This is an example of the new work Marcy will be displaying here in Erie at the Arts & Drafts Fest at the Brewerie. If you're a local reader, we'd love to see you! Thursday, Friday, and Saturday from 7 to close. There will also be a steady stream of live music.)
I've been having nightmares again. For a few weeks now, they've been rather regular -- or "regular" compared to the "barely ever" that I was getting quite used to. Every couple of nights, they border on night terrors.
This happened again this week and I was so disturbed and tired and wigged out that I ended up posting about it on Facebook. No details. Just the origin of my tiredness.
A yogini whom I admire very much brought up the idea that the nightmares might be due to all the awesome change that I have recently gone through. She said that good change can bring old crap to the surface. This old crap in yoga would be called samskara. Seeds from past actions and "past" could be how many lifetimes ago in the yogic way of thinking?!
Regardless of the metaphysics of this, there is a basic truth to it.
As I've said before, depression does not appreciate having happiness hanging around. My brain has a lot of well-worn depression and anxiety pathways, and as I carve new ones with all this happiness, it seems logical that occasionally my brain would trip into the old patterns.
When I am asleep, of course, I'm super vulnerable.
Also, as I become happier and happier, there is a part of me, I believe, that is comfortable with airing old and dirty laundry. My subconscious feels safe, like it's okay to deal with this stuff now because I have the necessary tools.
Whatev, right? I would like the nightmares to stop, please.
I am not just whining about it, though. I am also taking action.
I started a 40 day kriya. You can see a great description of what I am doing right here.
I've started some new evening prayers.
And my good friend, who wrote about all of this over here, has suggested meditation with specific colors of candles.
Have you ever experienced anything like this? A physical or emotional or mental response to new growth? How did you end up dealing with it?