Thursday, May 6, 2010
Does Sharing Your Art with the World Always Change the Artist?
Right now, I am consumed by teaching. I am constantly thinking about new playlists and new moves and ideas for workshops and on and on. When I am moving, it is either in a class or as I search for the right choreography for this or that song.*
(*NOTE: This post has little or nothing to do with being paid money for my creations. I have NO issue with that. Artists should be paid and paid well. Period. I've written about this before.)
I have realized recently that I am not dancing just for me.
This is distressing. "Free dancing," as I refer to it, is vital to my well-being. It refuels me. It centers me. It is my Practice and my Prayer.
I had a discussion with another artist about this recently, and she said it seems to be The Great Struggle. That once you put yourself out there, in whatever way -- teaching or performing or selling -- it changes everything. Whenever you approach your instrument -- your guitar, paintbrush, body, whatever -- you find that your relationship to it has been altered.
You tend a garden for others and soon you find that your Secret Garden is filled with leggy, overgrown plants that are no longer blossoming.
An extreme self-consciousness has grown like a noxious weed.
Have you had this same experience? How have you dealt with it? Do you have a favorite weed killer?