Monday, May 24, 2010
Still in the Maze
This is someone who "gets" me, that's for sure.
Part of the reason that the initial retreat week happened was that I was exhausted and felt dangerously close to real burnout.
That ankle injury inflicted some serious rest on my body. Rest that I knew I needed, right? Because I was on "retreat."
Wrong. I was on a movement retreat and did not plan to rest my body at all. I planned, actually, to do more than ever in terms of dancing, yoga, weights, and all of that.
As my friend above points out, I was looking for results.
As Marcy would say, I was looking for a way that I could do more without feeling like I was doing more.
HA! I was caught red handed!
I was looking for a way to squeeze more out of myself without feeling stress. What!?
I often harp at you (yes, HARP at you) on this blog about how to accomplish anything truly remarkable in this life that sometimes part of being brave and choosing bliss is the NOT choosing of other things. The Un-Choosing, as it were, of things that you tell yourself you "also love."
I go on and on about how choices can be hard but that we can't have it all and that to have something meaningful we have to create boundaries and priorities.
And you see, as usual with a know-it-all, I am just preaching about the very thing that I most need in my life.
I don't want to let go of anything but I want to add so much more when I know perfectly well that I can't. I am an Introvert, for god's sake. I need a lot of down time, a lot of processing time. That is a fact that cannot be ignored but I have tried very hard to do so.
HOW will I ever figure my way out of this little maze?
Do you hear me trying so hard? Can you hear all the grunting? And the little screams of frustration? I am thinking you can...