Friday, May 28, 2010

You've Lit a Fire. Now What?

Purchasing the Fire Starter Sessions was a big act of faith in the business venture aspect of my teaching.  It was a huge deal for me to spend money on that, to admit that I needed to.

Another act of faith that I committed just this past week was to sign up for an advanced yogadance teacher training.  This teacher training is all about targeting special populations.  Our illustrious leader, Megha, is at the front of the pack in terms of devising movement paradigms for Parkinson's patients, for example.  We will be looking at creating dance/movement/yoga experiences for people who need to be sitting in chairs or have restricted movement.

How is this an act of faith, you ask?

Something as simple as signing up for this training took a lot of fear obliteration.

Luckily, I had stoked my Fire and was able to throw a bunch of fears on it as fuel.

First, as you may or may not know, I hate to travel.  So there is that.  I have gone to Kripalu before and that helps, but I still hate. to. travel.  Hate it.  Did I mention that I really dislike traveling?

This is proof-freaking-positive that I am living my bliss -- I am willing to travel for it.

Second, I kept thinking that there was another training I should go to rather than this one.  I had that whole Grass-Is-Greener-Elsewhere-Or-Possibly-Maybe-Could-Be syndrome going on.

I was totally commitment phobic about this.  To the point of neuroses.  Ask poor Marcy, who from day to day had to hear:  I am going; I am not going; Wait! I am going; Oh, I'm not going...  And on and on ad nauseum.

Third, it turns out that this was all about money fears and scarcity mentality.

In the back of my mind, there was this little banker guy sitting surrounded by all the stacks of our pennies.  He would just SHAKE with nervousness when I would start to think about signing up for anything at all.

Sometimes he would just have an out and out FREAK session.  He would start screaming and pushing over the stacks of pennies and lighting dollar bills on fire and yelling at the top of his lungs:  "THIS IS IT!  DO YOU HEAR ME!?!?! THERE IS NO MORE MONEY ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD FOR YOU!!"

What?  He is just Crazy.  Like certifiable.

No more money?  That just doesn't even make sense.  I mean, he is talking to a girl who has done it all -- well, besides pole dancing and now that I am in better shape that could be a real...

Anyway, there is always more money.  There is always enough.

I picked that little dude up, kickin' and screamin', and yep, threw him on that fire.

Now I am sure his ghost will haunt me but whatever.  He's not taking up physical space in my brain and heart any more.  I don't have the time or energy for that.  I have dancing and teaching to attend to and dreams to build.

What do you need to throw on your fire?

(For a great fire ritual example, visit here.)


Emma said...

Chrissy Bliss, Pole Dancer

This sounds like a very, very interesting training session! And it will open new areas of possibility for you. That's exciting!

I have definitely had run-ins with that little banker...

kay cardinal said...

i felt the same way when i signed up for my qigong training... i kept going back and forth changing my mind, wondered if i should do this or that instead.. i kept throwing so many fears at the whole operation, it was exhausting. i am so thankful that i too had someone nearby to remind me that it was a good path to go on and that i could let go and just do it.

i am really glad that you are going to that training and living your bliss. you go girl!!!!

Heather Plett said...

Yay for fire rituals! So glad you've gotten rid of that crazy little man - he deserved to be burned.

Thanks for the linky love, dear one.

Carolynn said...

Yay You! Facing fears is a biggie when it comes to moving forward. Or so I've heard...*grin*

Yup, I'm very familiar with the prissy little banker guy. And, also the door keeper. The one who shakes her head and with a rueful smile says "Oh no, that's for other people. Not for you."

I'm getting better at tuning them both out, though.

My biggest problem? Identifying a dream I want to pursue with all my heart & soul. I know it's there...It may require some serious excavating to dig it out though.


tinkerbell the bipolar faerie said...

Fire holds so many possibilities, doesn't it?

Jan said...

Mmmmm, wonderful thought. What would I burn? An inherited and cultivated notion that I must work very hard, VERY hard, to be successful in life. Oy. I'm stoking the fire now. (grin)

Bethany said...

I love that clematis. Wow!
Great post.
Hm, oh I think I need to build a barn fire at this point.
Though I suppose just starting with a little one would be good.
You are an inspiration. Love your writing and your daring and your honesty.
Thank you.

Dovelily said...

OMG, that little banker dude stops me in my tracks every time! Whenever I plan to do something that will take me towards my bliss, he starts in with “You can’t afford that! How will you pay your bills? You’ll be homeless on the streets before the month is out! Stay where you are until you’re debt-free and then MAYBE I’ll let you spend money on your dreams.” I don’t even recall hiring that turkey, so when and how did he become so all-powerful over my life? Sorry. Guess you hit a bit of a nerve. Great post, btw. ;-)