Monday, June 14, 2010

If I am Quiet...


Marcy and I will have been together for 16 years this coming October, and at the same time, our eldest cat Scottie will turn 17.

Or maybe not.

Here we go again.

When Marcy and I first met, we very quickly (and it's a long story how) acquired four cats.  All of them were approximately the same age, so we would occasionally talk about how we knew...some time in the distant future...well, there would be a cluster of Very Difficult Years.

Those years have come.

Scottie is the last remaining cat of the Original Four.  In the meantime, we've also taken in Crazy Miss Emily and we have no idea how old she is.

Now we've been joined by Lilly, 2, and Toby, 8/9 months.  Fresh Cats, we call them.

Scottie, F. Scott Fitzgerald, is ill.  He's never been ill and this illness will be his way out of his Fur Suit and into his Sparkle Suit.  We have no idea how long this will take.  It could be two days or two months...one never knows, right?



We are sad.  Marcy has come to a good place, a place of understanding, a place that I say I, too, understand, but I am struggling.

Marcy points out, rightfully, that it has to do with my inherent distrust of Life.  I don't trust it and here's my proof.  She is right.  I am more trustful than ever, but I have a long way to go.

If I am at all quiet, you now know why.


19 comments:

Tess said...

Poor F. Scott. Poor you guys. I shall be thinking of you.

Rachelle said...

Thinking of you both! And gratefull your loved ones have had such good midwifes for this part of their journey.

Cathy Miller said...

Scottie is such a beautiful boy. I am sending peace and love to you and Marcy, Christine... and to the Lilypad.

Paula said...

Poor F. Scott. You and Marcy are in my thoughts at this time.

cocosparkle said...

I am so sorry to hear this and my thoughts are with you. xoxo

Emma said...

It's really, really hard to let them go. Wishing you all lots of love...

Em said...

These people in fur give us such gifts by being with us. It's so hard when they're sick. It's so incredibly difficult to let those we love go.

My thoughts are with all of you.

StorytellERdoc said...

Darn it all...we'll be thinking of you guys...

Debra She Who Seeks said...

Peace and love to Scottie and everyone who loves Scottie.

Linda-Sama said...

so sorry, christine. you know what I have recently gone through with my Sweet Sox. Reread my posts about him if they bring you comfort. I am thankful that he died on Buddha Day, a very auspicious day. I hope for his fortunate rebirth.

What is never born can never die.

Heather Plett said...

Sorry.

Lisa said...

Sending mega-hugs of love, comfort, peace, support, sympathy, and understanding to the LilyPad.

Angels, all of you.

Anonymous said...

Just two weeks ago..my big beautiful orange cat....Ms. Meemee passed away. As it happened..it was a glorious sunny day and i felt it was her way of letting me know that she was on a new adventure and not worry or mourn to long for her. Thinking of you.

Dovelily said...

Sending lots of love, prayers, hugs and peace and understanding your way.

tinkerbell the bipolar faerie said...

Letting go really sucks. Nothing but time takes away the hurt.

Thinking of you ...

svasti said...

We see the lives of our cats fully played out (if the kitties in question live a full life) much earlier than our own lives (if we too, are lucky).

As such, we witness the full cycle of life and death. It's a direct peek at reality, the one we say we're comfortable with. But really, almost none of us truly are. The death of a beloved pet mirrors our own experience of life.

And then there's the wonderful companionship they bring us. Their mad quirks (like my Miss Cleo's very LOUD snoring that I complain about, but really I love it).

There's nothing easy about any of this stuff. Nothing at all. Especially when there's a period of "difficult years" to contend with. So we have to try and remain at peace with the process of life, which does include passing on. To elsewhere.

I'm sure you'll get there. Just keep dancing (in Scotty's honour).

*hugs*

Carolynn said...

Such a beautiful boy. I have no doubt that his life has been rich, and full, contented and loving in your family. Such a difficult time. I am never ready for this moment. Ever. Fill his last days up with bountiful love & crazy spoiling. May his passing be peaceful.

Blessings,
Carolynn

Sue said...

Tears in my eyes.

Jenny Stamos said...

My thoughts are with you and your beautiful cat family. More than once, my cats have been my sole reason for not committing suicide. I dread the days when they are older, and like you, want to always take in "Fresh Kitties." I know it won't make the pain any less, but a home filled with cats is a hopeful home.