Tuesday, July 13, 2010
Shining Some Light in the Dark Corners
There is a light at the end of this tunnel I am in and I can finally see it. It is becoming glaringly bright, actually, and that squinting effect is something I am feeling quite grateful for.
At the beginning of a dark tunnel, it can be hard to believe that there is such an end.
Over the past month or so, my moods and demeanor have been...deteriorating. My sleep patterns over the past couple of weeks have downright sucked. Not being rested never helps.
It also does not help that it has been so hot and humid that my dancing time has diminished severely, but then I think...breaks like this are meant to happen so that we might have breakthroughs. Which is exactly what is going on.
You know I hate psychological diagnostic boxes and labels, right? I think I've been pretty clear about that, so when I write on this site about my own troubles, I list what are essentially, for me, the biggest symptoms of something else: Depression, anxiety, fear, body image and food stuff.
But thanks to this break I've had, we've figured out (and this may seem obvious to many of you) that I suffer from Complex PTSD. The "Complex" part of that refers to the chronic nature of my traumas. The fact that they went on and on and on...
There is so much more to this story but I am not ready yet to try to articulate it, yet I wanted to share something that is changing my life.
This quote that I read on a British mental health site:
PTSD is an injury, not an illness.
To not think of myself as "sick" or "crazy..." this seemingly small change in language? It is making a world of difference.
P.S. It was super hard to push the publish button for this post. I am (hard to believe...) a very private person and this post feels very vulnerable to me. Within minutes, though, I started getting some comments, and as usual, my dear readers are the most wonderful readers. *sigh*