Monday, August 2, 2010
Sometimes Everything Tastes Like Medicine
(Warning: This is a bit of a Rant & Whine. We all need these once in a while.)
This is why people choose to stay asleep: it's hard to wake up. It's uncomfortable. It can be painful. It's so easy to just keep hitting the freaking snooze.
Like I wrote about last week, the awareness of pain can create more pain. I believe this is temporary (like anything), but it can get tough.
I had a really tough Friday that had been building for a couple of days before that.
At times like that, suddenly, everything in my life tastes like medicine, feels medicinal. Nothing is just for the fun of it.
I have to dance and move and do yoga...because it grounds me and gets rid of toxins.
I have to eat right...or I have no energy for the movement work that I have to do.
I have to sleep right...or I can't think straight the next day and watch out!
I need to spend time in prayer and meditation...or I become scattered and start to float away from myself.
You get the idea.
Everything I do is to help me Keep It Together.
All of these things are also the things that I love to do.
Here's where I get angry (and rightfully so): I could just savor this stuff; I could just freaking ENJOY MY LIFE and have a most fan-damn-tastic life, at that, but I have to really work at what comes quite naturally to many humans.
For whatever reason...
I know that injuries can also be gifts. I know that what I have been through has also made me who I am.
But what really, really pisses me off: Child abuse changes who that little baby girl was born to be. Then she has to fight damn hard to get back to that.