Wednesday, September 1, 2010

WHERE Did I Put My Head!?



After months of agonizing and then some time spent just patiently waiting, I finally got the name for my "business" and then the logo came to me during a prayer/meditation session with Mary.  I think this image speaks volumes to people immediately.  I am pleased.

After it came to me, I went right to work on brochures and posters and all of that, feeling pretty darn energized by the "rightness" of it all.

Then...

Then I seemed to misplace my Head.

This always happens.  I start to feel some momentum and then it stops.  It just Stops.

There are various ways it stops.

Usually, I do something to put a roadblock in my way.

This time, I took on some college composition teaching at the very last minute.  I only had about three days to get ready to teach a subject I had not taught in many years.  Three days to come up with a theme and create a calendar and get started on assignments.  Three days also to get all the security for the school I am teaching at, which is a bit like Fort Knox.  (I am teaching at the local campus of my Alma Mater.)

And now we are in the second week of the semester already and I am exhausted.  Ex. Hausted.

The stress was huge.

The story that I started to tell myself, though, is more dangerous (and more exhausting) than the stress.

I started to tell myself that I had somehow gotten way off track, that I was lost, that I was confused, that I was not living the life I wanted to be living.

On my first day of class, on the drive over to the campus, which is outside our small city, I was almost to the school, when out of nowhere a huge Red Tail Hawk swept down in front of the car.

The Red Tail is one of my life totems and he was there to remind me of something I was forgetting.

He was saying, "Um, HELLO!?"  (He's a smart ass.)  "Um, yeah, remember the BIG PICTURE!?!  Hello!?  You took on THIS teaching to specifically support your dancing and teaching dreams!!  This is money for trainings or for advertising or for SPACE!!  Get a freaking grip!"

Oh, right, thanks, Giant (smart ass) Bird.

It also turns out that I am still very good at this teaching college comp thing.  And that my students are rather...wonderful (unexpectedly!).

((Picking up my head and putting it back on))

Story telling...it can get in the way.

Or not.  Here's the new (and TRUE) story: I am teaching college comp because I am good at it and it comes naturally to me and so I don't have to totally angst over it and it can provide me with these other opportunities to expand my "real" work -- dancing and yoga and teaching dance and yoga and creating new methods to help other sufferers of Complex PTSD to reunite with their bodies and their most fulfilled lives.

THAT is worth the doing, I would say.


9 comments:

Raine-Lee said...

Great logo! I love the colors you chose. It looks awesome!

Anna Guest-Jelley said...

Love the logo--and your blog! I totally relate to the roadblocks--especially in the form of taking on new projects (which always seems like a good idea at first, at least to me). Thanks for sharing!

Elizabeth Pope said...

As another PTSDer who is now teaching yoga to PTSDers of different flavors, love you & your blog.
Found myself in a similar sinkhole yesterday, feeling that all my priorities were in conflict... too much time spent alone in my head was at fault!
Our Brains: Never Go In There Alone! :)

Heather Plett said...

Thank you for this. And for sending that red-tailed hawk my way to talk some sense into me too.

'Cause I'm on the verge of accepting a couple of contracts that have nothing to do with following my bliss and everything to do with getting paid and expanding my contacts and doing some work that comes easily while I do some serious digging into my heart for the rest.

Just like you, I was getting all tied up in the ol' slippery slope argument that accepting this work would mean I'd be stuck doing stuff I don't really feel passionate about for the rest of my life.

I feel better now. :-) And that's not the first time you've done that!

Linnea said...

Mercury (our family Red-Tailed Hawk) has been screaming his head off lately. This follows the guy I visited at the Raptor Center who looked me dead in the eyes and screeched.

OK, OK. I'm getting it. It's not fun. But I am getting it. Knowing, in this case, is better than not.

I've figured out how I can at least modify my exercise program until the vertigo leaves for good. And I can still sit down on my mat and chant to the top of my lungs. The Universe will understand if I don't throw my head back, I think.

I love your logo, especially the type on "Embody." I'm really into that "look" of typeface right now. (I also now know why you wanted Marcy to draw that image on you with her tattoo markers.)

Emma said...

I love the name and logo!

And I'm glad that smart ass bird stepped in to help out. :)

svasti said...

LOVE the business name and new logo. And of course you are good at teaching writing. I'm so excited for you :)

Ruby said...

After the first few lines I thought: Oh no, she's going to quit (teaching), she's going to quit ... but no! you're not! You startet to see how good you are at it! That is the most amazing outcome and I just love it. The logo and business name is wonderful, too.

Kara said...

Awesome logo! Really excellent! It is a great catchphrase too!

In the end you got your head back on, and a kick-ass logo. I'd say all's well that ends well. :)