Monday, November 1, 2010

The Unbearable Lightness of...Deciding


For many weeks, I have been angsting over a decision that I assumed was mine to make.

Let me start by saying that I really love my students at Behrend College.  They are the absolute best class I have ever had for a college composition course.  They are bright and curious and engaged and engaging.

I also love the material.  I should -- since I get to choose it.

But I am too busy right now.  I teach that class three days a week and I teach five movement classes a week.

I am not doing anything for myself as a dancer.  I am not working toward some very big and excitingly frightening dreams.

I am pretty much functioning on "do the minimum" right now and I am not comfortable with that in any part of my life.

I enjoy my time at Behrend, and it happens to pay decently, especially compared to teaching movement, dance, and yoga, so I have felt really torn about what to do.

Thank goodness sometimes these things are not left to us.

I just got an observation review that made my heart sing and it concluded with the recommendation to keep me on...when they need me.  It turns out they probably will only need me during the Fall Semesters.

I do not recommend postponing and procrastinating to the point of allowing someone or something else to make important decisions for you, but for this time, it felt okay to have it decided, to not have to feel so damn responsible for the choice.  That's probably not very enlightened of me, but it surely made me feel lighter.

4 comments:

Ashley @ Nourishing the Soul said...

I have also been struggling recently with a really major life decision. The stress of having to make the decision was really weighing on me until I decided that no decision is the wrong one and the universe would somehow lead me to where I needed to be. I've just finally moved forward with a choice and there's such peace in that!

Emma said...

Ah, sounds like a relief!

Katherine Jenkins said...

It sounds like it was meant to be. Sometimes the universe answers for us. Now time to get cracking on those "frightening dreams" ^_^!!!!!!! Peace to you, Katherine http://www.lessonsfromthemonkimarried.blogspot.com/

svasti said...

Sometimes the universe reaches out and makes decisions that are best for us. Even if they don't feel like it at the time! Glad you're getting what you need to keep growing. :)