Friday, December 17, 2010

Love, Again

When you open yourself to Love, you also open the inevitable door to loss. Loss hurts but there is no alternative.

There is an infinite amount of room at the LilyPad for Love, and in the last couple of years, having a number of older animals, this has meant a lot of loss, and there are moments, to be sure, when I don't think I can do it.  When I don't think I have the strength to face it.  When I think for sure that this time, this is IT, I am not loving another animal.

Ridiculous, yes, but the mind can get so confused when the heart is hurting.

The main lesson that Miss Zoe the Rabbit set out to teach me from the moment I met her was that there is always room for more love, that love begets love, that love expands us.

When Marcy asked if she could have Miss Zoe, I initially said, No, There is No Room.  I changed my mind quickly and then got to watch and feel the love in my life blossom past what I thought were its edges.

Now here we are at loss...again.  And those old thoughts of not being able to...again.  My initial, instinctive response to this loss is to close ranks.  To shove everyone away.  To hide my heart.  To bear my teeth at anything that feels threatening.

I feel myself pulled toward Fear Based Living, living that is really a slow dying.

Then I went to Mass on Wednesday, after Zoe had peacefully passed on Tuesday evening.  I went and I knelt and I prayed and I understood something big (and please, bear with the Catholic of this and see to the core).

That crucifix that seems so macabre to people?  It's about this whole love/loss/fear thing.  That crucifix at the center, even during the joy of Christmas, reminds us that death is always and forever, but that love is even bigger and stronger and makes us the same.  There are multiple times in a Mass where we are reminded to be free of fear, free of anxiety...even with that crucifix at the center.

Be free of fear and anxiety.  Always.  In the face of anything and everything. Because there is love and again there is love and around that next corner?  Love...again...


Graciel @ Evenstar Art said...

oh. no. miss zoe!!! my heart sank when i read this just now. i send love and blessings to you and marcy. what joy and giggles that little soul brought to your heart and home.

lovely post, but really big sighhhhhh.


Janice said...

So sorry to hear of your loss. You are brave to turn away from desire to close your heart and turn to the opening and the light instead. Sending you warm thoughts and blessings.

Linda-Sama said...

so sorry for your loss, christine!

I lost two cats in one year and my SIL is dealing with the death of a cat on the same day she had to rush her dog for emergency surgery for brain cancer. I am happy she has adopted a Buddhist attitude of facing death squarely in order to grow beyond the limits of fear.

In my own inner work over the years I have to come to know in my bones that facing these things head on -- things like fear, death, or fearing our own death -- leads to liberation and an eternal joy.

there is knowing. and then there is knowing that you know.


tinkerbell the bipolar faerie said...

So true. We are made to and for love.


Tiff said...

Hugs to you and Marcy. Zoe would want you to move on and share the love you both have with other animals in need.I donated to the Sanctuary you support in memory of Zoe and honor of you and Marcy who gave her so much love
Tiffani in Ohio

Tiff said...

Hugs to you and Marcy. Zoe would want you to move on and share the love you both have with other animals in need.I donated to the Sanctuary you support in memory of Zoe and honor of you and Marcy who gave her so much love
Tiffani in Ohio

lisa said...

This is a beautiful post. And just what I needed to be reminded of today.

My heart still aches for your loss.

Much love, peace, comfort, and strength is being sent your way.

Susann said...

Ho, gosh, you guys, I am SO sorry to hear this. I loved Zoe (still do!) and while I know she's having delightful fun in her sparkle suit, I also know what an aching emptiness she's left in both your hearts. My mind understands death and the transition of energy & so on & on, but you know what? I don't care a bit about that when I'm hurting over the loss of a beloved fur-friend. On Monday (tomorrow as I write this) it will be 2 weeks to the day that I lost my adored 3 yo cat to FeLuk & I am still devastated (it's been barely a year since I lost another cat to the same terrible disease). The end was easy & peaceful & I had him in my arms as he passed, talking to him (and soaking him w/ tears) & later, I came to this site & went thru the archives to the posts about your pets, and love, and loss. They helped me tremendously. Please know you helped me thru my grieving these past couple of weeks & that my hugs are sincere and loving!

Bethany said...

oh no, so so sorry to hear this. I haven't been visiting blogs much lately but gosh I always loved to see Zoe and read about her adventures. You guys must be heartbroken. Yes, more room, more love. But it isn't easy, is it.

I work at a rabbit rescue and volunteered at an animal shelter so for me I just always feel like one animal passing is making room for a new one that is just waiting in a shelter, with no home, no mama, no bond. That helps me anyhow.

Thinking of you both.