Friday, December 17, 2010
When you open yourself to Love, you also open the inevitable door to loss. Loss hurts but there is no alternative.
There is an infinite amount of room at the LilyPad for Love, and in the last couple of years, having a number of older animals, this has meant a lot of loss, and there are moments, to be sure, when I don't think I can do it. When I don't think I have the strength to face it. When I think for sure that this time, this is IT, I am not loving another animal.
Ridiculous, yes, but the mind can get so confused when the heart is hurting.
The main lesson that Miss Zoe the Rabbit set out to teach me from the moment I met her was that there is always room for more love, that love begets love, that love expands us.
When Marcy asked if she could have Miss Zoe, I initially said, No, There is No Room. I changed my mind quickly and then got to watch and feel the love in my life blossom past what I thought were its edges.
Now here we are at loss...again. And those old thoughts of not being able to...again. My initial, instinctive response to this loss is to close ranks. To shove everyone away. To hide my heart. To bear my teeth at anything that feels threatening.
I feel myself pulled toward Fear Based Living, living that is really a slow dying.
Then I went to Mass on Wednesday, after Zoe had peacefully passed on Tuesday evening. I went and I knelt and I prayed and I understood something big (and please, bear with the Catholic of this and see to the core).
That crucifix that seems so macabre to people? It's about this whole love/loss/fear thing. That crucifix at the center, even during the joy of Christmas, reminds us that death is always and forever, but that love is even bigger and stronger and makes us the same. There are multiple times in a Mass where we are reminded to be free of fear, free of anxiety...even with that crucifix at the center.
Be free of fear and anxiety. Always. In the face of anything and everything. Because there is love and again there is love and around that next corner? Love...again...