|A total kitsch Mary -- just my thing!|
The glimpses even felt cruel. Why give them to me if it were inevitable that they depart so quickly? The up and then the crash...it was exhausting and felt purposeless.
Then, as I have written here a million times, I returned to dance and found my joy, which is the key to our healthy hearts.
Last night, after teaching a Kundalini Yoga & Movement class, someone asked me about her sadness. And oh...her eyes...I have seen those same eyes looking back at me in the mirror. I know that look.
I found myself telling her that where her body goes, her spirit and her emotions will follow.
This is the beauty of teaching: your students push you to articulate all of this knowledge that you have spent a lifetime gathering, not necessarily noticing that you have it to give until someone asks it of you.
What a beautiful exchange this is...
Back to what I told her: Where your body goes, your spirit and emotions will follow.
This is the missing link in most approaches to emotional and spiritual illness. We intellectualize it; we try to understand it; we construct story and then new story around it; we try to put into words what was done to our (wordless) souls.
We mistakenly try to heal our brains with our brains.
And then we wonder why...or I do, anyway...why it feels as though our heads may explode!
For many years, I have suggested to people that perhaps starting with something more concrete, like feeling healthier in a physical way, may be a trigger of sorts to your mind and heart that you are ready for the real work of shedding and becoming new inside.
From the outside in, for some reason, always made more sense to me than from the inside, out, but this goes against most of the mental health professions recent and late thinking, so I thought I must just be full of it.
But now I know: the more fit I am physically, the more I am able to be fit of mind and spirit and heart, because this work is hard and it takes literal strength and stamina.
This is, by no means, an "easy solution." Getting physically fit means committing to yourself. It means sweating profusely, not just taking a little walk every day. It means working your butt off and pushing your body past what you thought it could do. And that means finding movement that is fun because otherwise it won't last, you won't last.
Are you willing to work this hard to save yourself? To be reborn into the beauty and joy for which you were intended?