Monday, January 10, 2011
Riding My Bike Naked & Just Generally Being Brave
At the end of Kundalini yoga classes, like any yoga class, I lead meditations. Sometimes they are very simple and other times they are more involved. They are always spontaneous. I never plan them, but instead, I trust that they will come to me based on what happens in class and what I am feeling from students and the needs they are projecting.
Lately, I find myself leading a lot of meditations about our younger selves. Specifically, I am leading meditations asking people to see that essential, perfect self...the one that has no baggage, has no blocks, has not been altered (in negative ways) by time and experience.
This has profoundly affected some students.
And the other night, I realized how deeply it was and is affecting me. I had a memory pop up and I saw different things in it than I usually do.
This is one of those stories that families tell. There are photos that document it. And the story is told with great humor (because it is funny!). But I never looked beyond the funny...not in this way.
This is one of those memories that feels like it is actually happening each time I think of it.
I was only about 2.5 years old. I woke up in my crib and the sun was coming in the small window above my head. It was early morning and there was not a sound coming from inside the house or outside. I very much wanted to be riding my bike but I also did not want to wait for my parents or wake them.
I sat up and looked around. I crawled up and over the railing of the crib, which was only set at the halfway point. I stood up in the middle of the small room. I removed my night time diaper and walked out of the house.
I got my red tricycle and proceeded to ride up and down the block.
Some neighbors called my parents, who came out and took photos, in which I am so happy and triumphant.
Like I said, usually when I think of this or tell this, it is just for laughs.
But after leading all these meditations about our essential selves, I have come to see so much in this memory about the confident, adventurous, open, happy little person I was. She knew what she liked and she never stopped to question her right to just do it.
I was daring. I was self assured. I had NO SHAME.
I love this little person. Love her.
To honor her, it is time to fulfill her innocent, dynamic, GIANT YES idea of life.
I may not be riding my bike naked any time soon (ouch! and OH MY GOD), but there have to be other ways to explore this idea that my "nakedness" is nothing to be ashamed of, right?