Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Do You Red Shoe?
First, I just want to say thank you for all the responses to my video interview. Doing that video and getting over the fear of putting it out there has opened up whole worlds for me. So, again, thank you. (And in case you have no idea what I am talking about, here is a direct link to it.)
I see it a lot online.
Women artists who go in and out of Manic States of Creation. They seem literally High on Something, and then, inevitably, they crash. Announce yet another "blogging break" because they have no sense of balance. No idea of deep self care.
And then on my retreat, one of my Big Moments of DUH was that I was Red Shoe-ing myself in my dance practice.
I had been starved of my Love, my Passion for so long that I was gorging.
I realized that I was frantically trying to "catch up." With what? Myself?
I found some wisdom in the Red Shoe chapter of Clarissa Pinkola Estes' Women Who Run with the Wolves:
"...when the treasure of a woman's most soulful life has been burned to ashes, instead of being driven by anticipation, a woman is possessed by voraciousness. So, for instance, if a woman wasn't permitted to sculpt, she may suddenly begin to sculpt day and night, lose sleep, deprive her innocent body of nutrition, impair her health, and who knows what else...for who knows how long she will be free."
Therein lies the fear that drives the Red Shoes, the Manic Frenzies...
Who knows how long we will be free?
We fear the cage will descend again. We fear the shoes, the paint brushes, the writing paper will be taken and burned again.
But the thing is, WE are now in control. We are the ones who decide our lives. We are in charge of us!
Perhaps, then, it's time to relax into it. Time to trust that there is time. Trust that inspiration will remain, that the shoes can wait while we take care of our bodies, hearts, and souls.
Furthermore, only by taking care of those things will we not dance ourselves into wraiths.