Thursday, April 7, 2011

How Others See Us

One of Erie's lighthouses

My students are generous with their compliments of my work; they often tell me that I create a class environment in which they are set free, that they always feel like anything and everything is not just okay but wonderful and fully witnessed, that they can completely express themselves without any fear of any kind of judgment.

I often reply that it's because I myself am willing to look like a complete wacko.  This is my way, of course, of pushing the compliment aside since I am so uncomfortable being told such wonderful things.  Or I tell them that it is the work and I am just a channel for that work.  You know, anything to brush them off.  Anything not to see ourselves as the beautiful beings that others see us as.

What? I am lovable? I am...good? Worthy?  Wow.  Now go away while I pull up a chair for the next critic who is available in my head. I surely have to go make that asshole a cup of tea rather than stand here and take all this...niceness.


Rebekah said...

Yes, you are good, lovable, and worthy.

That said, I can definitely empathize with your struggle in accepting compliments. I have similar tapes that like to play.


Gretchen said...

I completely understand how hard it is to feel worthy, but YOU ARE!!!

It says so much about you that you are able to make people in your classes feel so comfortable.

Christine Claire Reed said...

You are both so sweet and kind.

I just wanted to demonstrate what a daily struggle this all is. I mean, we can feel like we are getting somewhere with all our "inner work," and then someone compliments us and we want to run away! Sigh...