|A tree near my B&B at Chautauqua|
I have been in one of those places lately (pre-retreat and post-retreat) where I walk around constantly saying, "I am frustrated; I am confused...what am I doing..."
You can imagine what FUN! I am when I am in this mood. (Poor Marcy...)
The other day, I realized I hadn't been journaling as much as I was while on retreat. And by "as much as I was," I mean, "barely at all."
So I opened my journal, got out my pen, and VOILA! SOLVED MY PROBLEM!
Ahhh...the magic of doing what needs to be done.
I wrote this sentence and it felt like it came from above. It was so obvious, and yet, I was not thinking of it when I was walking around talking and complaining. (Imagine...)
The sentence then....(drum roll)...
I am frustrated because I am focusing on Wrong Things and then judging myself based on expectations that arise from said Focus on Wrong Things.
Again with the DUH!
I focus on things over which I have no control, like student enrollment or numbers of readers. You know, the sorts of things with which we bludgeon ourselves because we are certain that they will inflict just the right amount of damage.
And what is the "right amount of damage?" You know, the amount that keeps us from working on the things over which we do have control, the stuff that would use our True Power. The stuff that would let us shine. That would make us...feel good about ourselves.
Here's how I will be dealing with this for now: At the beginning of the day, in my journal, I will write down what Right Things I will focus on for that day.
Wrong Things be damned!