Friday, May 6, 2011

Anger is Not Real

In the book that I just read about unconditional love and how to create it in your own life (after probably being raised with and surrounded by forms of conditional love), one of the basic premises is that anger comes from a place of emptiness and is always a cover for another emotion or for some need that is not being met.

Marcy, in her Love Wisdom, has been trying to teach me that since we met, and I am really getting it now. It is challenging to not blame anything outside yourself for negative feelings, but it is always true that they are coming from a place of pain inside of you.  (Projection much?)

For example, we say we are angry about pollution, but we are really fearful. We are afraid of this beautiful planet being destroyed. We are afraid of sickness that is being caused in loved ones. We are afraid that we have no power to change any of this.

Admitting the underlying fear will actually increase our power, because through honesty, loving action is born. Anger burns away too quickly and is the seed of violence, as well as a form of violence itself. Violence begets violence. Period.

There is no need to just take my word on this...and most of you will probably resist the ideas here anyway.

Instead try these two things:

The next time you are feeling angry about anything at all, ask yourself "what am I afraid of?"

And the next time you feel anger coming at you from a loved one, take a deep breath and with no anger in your voice, ask them, "What do you need right now?"

See what happens. It's been pretty magical in my own life.


McCaffery said...

I really love opening up your day's posts first thing in the morning. Like daily inspiration, only for people with real feelings, you own your feelings. You speak positive things yet honor that human side, with all of it's fears, feelings, depression, etc.

A good way to start my day.

Have a nice weekend!!

Angela Sweetland Bass said...

Love it! And I absolutely agree with you. ~Angie

Gretchen said...

I love reading your posts because they are always so honest and full of insight. As someone who is terrified of anger, this is a wonderful thing for me to start doing. Thanks for sharing!