Monday, May 23, 2011

New Pillows = New Kind of Life

The giant, big, exciting, thrilling news here at the Lilypad this past weekend was that we purchased new bed pillows.

I tease, but it is really more exciting and significant than it sounds.

This past week at the Lilypad, the main thing I have been learning is that I am way more controlled by the programming of my youth than I could ever have imagined.

This realization came about in a rather difficult way (as many realizations do), and now I am sifting through the minutia.

I am attempting to open myself to the possibility that almost all of my reactions to life (if not 100% of them) come from this past programming and that to be truly happy, I have to first, notice the source, and second, move past it.

You know: Act rather than re-act.*

(*This may all seem rather...basic...and it is, but I am constantly learning the same things over and over and on deeper levels. Isn't that the whole point?)

So I was making the bed and fluffing the pillows and I got to Marcy's main pillow and realized it sucked. Like, it is pathetic. All deflated from so many years of use. It struck me that she has been, on and off, asking for a new pillow for a couple of years, and my response is always the same.

"No. You don't buy a pillow unless you can afford a super good, high end pillow. None of this (insert inexpensive department store name) cheap stuff!"

I reviewed this all in my mind as I finished making the bed, and I walked downstairs and wrote "pillows" on a small shopping list I had started.

I am flabbergasted by this seemingly silly and small story. I am shocked, actually, at how much I stop us from having fun, from being happy, from just doing our thing because I have 5 trillion rules in my head. I have rules for every single thing in this life and none of these rules are mine!

No more! I am a determined animal, and once I get like this, WATCH. OUT.

1 comment:

Svasti said...

I actually love this story - a gentle awareness of what's going on, what you've suddenly realised.

New pillows, indeed. :)