Sunday, May 8, 2011

When Mother's Day is Difficult

There are a million reasons why Mother's day is difficult for many of us, and those reasons aren't what we are here to talk about.

We're hear to talk about the difficulty of this day. A day (preceded by many days, really) when Twitter and Facebook are filled with mama-love and most people don't give a second thought to the pain that this causes many of us.

Which is fine. I am happy for you if you were blessed with good and positive and healthy and lasting human mother love.

But again, many of us weren't or aren't.

Here are a few things I have done to help with this:

I have learned to nurture the small girl in me. She loves color and sparkly things and fluff and silliness. I try to give her as much of this as I can.

I have nurtured relationships with some beautiful, loving women a generation or more older than me. I am blessed by their presence in my life.

And a really, really big part of this mother puzzle for me: I have developed a life rich with Marian devotion.

Maybe Mary isn't your schtick but the point is to find some feminine divinity with which to create a relationship of compassion and unconditional love.

This may seem silly to you; you may not see the point, but it has changed my life. It has healed my heart.


svasti said...

I hear you loud and clear, as you know. Mother's Day. Blech.

I like your self-mothering tactics, I'm trying to learn more about what I need in this way.

But one thing I do is make Mother's Day about ALL women - I feel like regardless of whether you've had children or not, all women are mothers or potential mothers. By reclaiming the day like this, it makes it a little easier to get through.

I did okay today for the first Mother's Day in a while, thank goodness!

Linda said...

I identify completely with this. On this day I honor all of those women who came into my life to nurture me in the many ways that my birth mother was unable. They helped me find and honor the divine feminine within me.

Spirited! said...

Truth and beauty in your words today! Thank you

Danny Lucas said...

I do not recall which year you wrote your "Word For The Year" would be "Fly", but I recall the post.

Last year, I did some landscaping and came across several well constructed bird's abandoned.
At one time, they were a home, filled with a provider, and those who needed provided.
Eventually, the job was done and everyone flew from the nest. Their word that year was "Fly"!

I put one nest in my home as a reminder to me, and one in the back of my car, couched near the back window, and top platform of the vehicle(behind the seats).
When I check my rear view mirror while driving, I check what needs checked.
Then, I note the "empty nest" in the corner.

It is a reminder to me that there was a time when the nest was full and lively. Mine too!
But now the nest is empty (kids grown; mom died).

It is time to take care of Little Orphan Danny, so to speak. Mother's Day was difficult this year, since mom died in 2008, on her birthday.
But joy came in landscaping at the cemetery, and placing beauty where winter had decimated it.

As I drive, I know the joy of that nest long ago, but I must look forward or I will crash.
The glimpse of the nest allows me to savor memories from a time of family.

But traveling the journey of life requires looking forward, planting beauty where you can, and looking back for just a peek every now and then, to savor that which can be savored.

If you find an empty nest in a tree this year, you may want to employ the same technique, to move on and move forward, while enjoying the pleasure of a glimpse backward every now and then.

Blessings to all,
Danny Lucas

Ps. I think Epiphany Girl would get a kick out of your using BVM. Marisa needs to write again.
We miss her wisdom and discernment.

Vibe said...

Lately I have been YEARNING for a mother who loves me the way I need to be loved. Mothers Day, I sent my mother lots of love and flowers and told her I love her and am thankful for her---and I am, it could have been worse. But, like you, I am trying to learn to mother (and father) myself. Definitely, a relationship with the Divinity helps.

Susan said...

Christine; I really like the way you acknowledge and validate that many of us did not/do not have nurturing mother relationships AND that we can learn to create and give a new meaning to this yearly trigger and reminder of what we don't/didn't have.

Making new meaning and creating new memories is a relatively new skill that I'm finding very helpful as I discover my new self and power to let go of the pain and create the life I want for myself.

Gina said...


Thank you for acknowledging this Christine. I identify with the challenging feelings that accompany Mother's Day and the days leading up to it.

Your words are a source of comfort!

TC said...

How funny, my 7 year old who is in Catholic school handed me a little package in her fist a few months ago. She said, "Here you go mommy, since you don't really have a mommy, Mary can be your mommy!" So now I have this statue of Mary that's always in my purse.