This post and the next are inspired by Andrea over at ABC Creativity and her recent post about fear. I have been experiencing, directly, much of what she illustrates, and now, because of her, I can articulate it.
A lot of us say we suffer from anxiety, but anxiety is really just another word for fear. When we feel anxiety, we should be asking ourselves, "what are we fearing in this moment?" Then we should ask ourselves, of course, if the fear is real or simply anticipatory.
For me, lately, I have come up against one of My Main Fears: that no matter what I do, I am not enough. This is most definitely anticipatory.
I imagine that no matter how much I do today, it is not enough. That tomorrow, also, will not be enough.
For example, right now I am learning how to create what this rockin' coach calls "first level goals." I am learning not to focus on the Ultimate Giant Shiny Goal and then get completely overwhelmed by all the reasons it is so totally impossible.
I am learning to think, what could I do in the next week that would, eventually, lead toward that Ultimate Giant Shiny Goal.
I have a notebook now that I write little tidbits in and yesterday I wrote a bunch of tidbits that will grow into a large chunk of material that I need for my new website (tease!).
But at the end of the day, I was disappointed in myself. Why didn't I do more? Why couldn't I push myself more?
But it was "more" than I have done in such a directed manner in many months. It was...enough. For that day. For this time in my life. For where I am at.
Enough will change and morph over time. My enough of two months from now may or may not resemble the enough of yesterday.
When I am standing in my tutu at the lake's edge or when I am seeing my own bare feet against the wooden floor of a dance studio, I never doubt my enough-ness. I know I am exactly where I am meant to be and I am exactly WHO I was born to be.
When I am at the lake and in the studio, fear is powerless over me.
Where are you most on fire with your own warrior spirit?