Thursday, June 2, 2011
Happy = Healthy & That is That
I have written about the beginnings of my disordered eating and my first diet at the age of four right here. (That post was initiated by a post I had written that was an overview of my eating and image disorders, asking the question "Do eating disorders ever go away?", which can be found here.)
In the past, I have done the starvation thing. I have done the counting calories thing. I have weighed myself after using the toilet to see if there was a change. I have exercised excessively because I...ate food (gasp!). I have gotten down to nothing but a small pile of lettuce on my plate so that I could show my friends I was "eating."
Now I do not even think about things called calories. If I want ice cream, I eat it. And you should, too. If you don't, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.
I do not own a scale, because they are EVIL. PERIOD. Get over it. Throw it out. Stop beating yourself with it. IT MEANS NOTHING.
Unlike before, when I fought for every single decrease in size like the survival of this world depended upon it, unlike that...now? Now I am the healthiest I have ever been...and the smallest thanks to MUSCLE.
But this size thing did not happen because I TRIED or because I WILLED it. It happened because I am living my joy, which happens to be dance, and my body is thrilled with that. My body is all, like, "THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKIN' ABOUT!"
But this is my body. This is my path. Neither are yours and your body is different and now I am on this serious learning curve about HOW different our bodies really are and how much UTTER SHITE this culture feeds us (ha!) every day about why people are heavy or why people aren't this enough or that enough.
We have been feed utter shite, too, about what healthy LOOKS LIKE. And it does not necessarily always freaking look like me or like that athlete down the street or like that "healthy" model in that stupid magazine.
When I have told people in the recent past that I lost weight NOT due to some easily explained physiological process but rather because I am HAPPY, I was way onto something...more than I even thought.
And here is one tiny piece of that puzzle. Go read that. She explains why calories in and calories out thinking is just crap.