Thursday, June 2, 2011

Happy = Healthy & That is That


I have written about the beginnings of my disordered eating and my first diet at the age of four right here. (That post was initiated by a post I had written that was an overview of my eating and image disorders, asking the question "Do eating disorders ever go away?", which can be found here.)

In the past, I have done the starvation thing. I have done the counting calories thing. I have weighed myself after using the toilet to see if there was a change. I have exercised excessively because I...ate food (gasp!). I have gotten down to nothing but a small pile of lettuce on my plate so that I could show my friends I was "eating."

Now I do not even think about things called calories. If I want ice cream, I eat it. And you should, too. If you don't, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM.

I do not own a scale, because they are EVIL. PERIOD. Get over it. Throw it out. Stop beating yourself with it. IT MEANS NOTHING.

And now?

Unlike before, when I fought for every single decrease in size like the survival of this world depended upon it, unlike that...now? Now I am the healthiest I have ever been...and the smallest thanks to MUSCLE.

But this size thing did not happen because I TRIED or because I WILLED it. It happened because I am living my joy, which happens to be dance, and my body is thrilled with that. My body is all, like, "THIS IS WHAT I WAS TALKIN' ABOUT!"

But this is my body. This is my path. Neither are yours and your body is different and now I am on this serious learning curve about HOW different our bodies really are and how much UTTER SHITE this culture feeds us (ha!) every day about why people are heavy or why people aren't this enough or that enough.

We have been feed utter shite, too, about what healthy LOOKS LIKE. And it does not necessarily always freaking look like me or like that athlete down the street or like that "healthy" model in that stupid magazine.

When I have told people in the recent past that I lost weight NOT due to some easily explained physiological process but rather because I am HAPPY, I was way onto something...more than I even thought.

And here is one tiny piece of that puzzle. Go read that. She explains why calories in and calories out thinking is just crap.

5 comments:

Barbara said...

I love your passionate posts! I agree, absolutely, that emotions and bodily health are linked. Also, that consuming less calories does not necessarily equal pounds lost..

I do not think that scales, however, are necessarily *evil*. Here's why: a close friend recently went through a life re-design. She used a scale as part of the process until she was more in touch with her body and could *feel* when it was in/out of balance. She has since discarded the scale, but it really assisted her on her journey. Maybe scales are like knives: potentially dangerous, but potentially very useful...

Christine Claire Reed said...

I tried that logic with my partner regarding calories...oh, I could count calories until I can "intuit" them. I lost that particular debate, and now I see her wisdom.

How about when we "life redesign" we don't count on the old tools that have gotten us to the need for a redesign? ;)

Also what the heck about a scale indicates in/out of balance? It is still all about deciding where we are in life based on some judgmental numbers.

Tess Giles Marshall said...

They say hunger is the best sauce. Perhaps happiness is the table setting.

Heather Plett said...

I've been struggling a bit with this issue lately, since I run about 15 miles a week and am still the same size I was before I started running. Most days I am in love with my healthy body and it's okay that it hasn't really changed, but other days I get frustrated.

Christine Claire Reed said...

Heather, make sure you read that link. It is so eye opening. It would help if the medical community would give REAL information about this stuff instead of filling people's heads with fairy tales and sending them off to feel like they are failures, when it's all just physiology.