Monday, June 13, 2011
On Tiredness & Trauma
My post on being sleepy generated, of course, lots of wonderful advice about vitamins and food and other techniques. I really do appreciate all of this. Know, though, that I utilize much of it and have tried nearly all of it. I am a researcher by nature and a problem solver, so no stones go unturned (to an obsessive level of curiosity).
I can sleep...the real issue is the bad dreams. It makes for poor sleep and it makes for waking up spent due to experienced trauma while sleeping.
This is a trauma issue (which is why I linked to this old post in that new one; it's the most important piece of this puzzle).
Trauma, of course, creates physiological issues, so something like calcium before bed (which I often take) can help me to fall asleep and stay asleep, but it does nothing to stop the dreams and the tossing and turning and the basic nighttime anxiety.
Things like prayer and singing bowls help with that, for sure, but not all the time, because this is such a complex cocktail of ick. (I highly recommend the work of this man; he is a rockin', amazing ninja of a helper, and I am listening to him as I write this.)
This is why ABUSE is SO FREAKING AWFUL. Obviously abuse is awful for a million reasons, but above all, it CHANGES WHO YOU WERE BORN TO BE because it effs up the most basic things about your body and brain and heart.
This is not to say there isn't a way out, but it can be very frustrating and sometimes crying on the stoop is all you can do.
Then you get up off the stoop, brush off your skirt, and get back to work, knowing that this is your work...that this takes constant effort...that there is no letting up or taking time off...that tired is part of the package for right now and too bad. Things happened, things are done, the consequences are still here, but I have a beautiful life and it will only keep getting more beautiful...as long as crying on the steps does not become my primary activity.
Courage. Tenacity. Strength. Constant Effort. Those are my main vitamins in this battle.