Thursday, September 8, 2011

One Thing Leads to Another

Steps up to the studio/Graffiti will stay!

I am very uncomfortable right now.

Yesterday, we got some things from a helpful and generous friend for the studio. We loaded up the car and headed home, where I proceeded to lift something quite heavy.

I am strong, for sure, but that does not mean I am built for heavy lifting (yes, I do it "correctly"). Also, as Marcy is constantly reminding me, I make my art and my livelihood with this body; it is my instrument and I must take better care.

I torqued my lower back a bit. I am okay; it will be fine. I am sore today but this is not the discomfort of which I am really speaking.

My lower back...it makes sense.  This is the first chakra area, and I am certainly feeling unstable, uncertain, wobbly, out of control.

Out of control.  That is the big one.  As if we ever are in control...

It seems as though I take one Big Step and then I am asked to take ten more.

My voice that likes to yell, "Stay small! It's safe!" is at it again.  It is whining up a Whiny Storm of grand proportions.

And in all of this, I sit and wait, knowing it will pass, but in the meantime, I am so damn uncomfortable.  I want to scream, "STOP!" and listen to the Whiny Chorus and do as they say.

I keep getting back to, "Isn't it Big Enough to open a studio, to have a space, but now I have to open my mind to Ideas about the space that are different and much bigger and more challenging!?"

Yes.

I do.

Ick.

But yes is my word.

Damn it.


8 comments:

James said...

How quickly big becomes the new normal. Keep saying yes! I'm so proud of you and inspired by you.

- One Brit cheering you on

The Girlie-Queue said...

♥SO much amazing awesomeness going on here woman. I nearly cried a little when I saw the pics of your stairway leading to your new studio. My studio had a similar stairway - and after witnessing yours it really only *just* dawned on me that there's something terrifically magical about a stairway. Especially a close, narrow stairway. You know - I was also thinking about "small" in the terms your gremils use... and the fact that it's all relative. :) But what's kind of funny here is that what you've unleashed, what you've GROWN INTO over these last couple of years is kind of like a wonky-yeast-monster that just kind of keeps growing and OVERFLOWING its space... You, your practice, your students, you all keep growing in such a way as to not be CONTAINED by "small" any longer. It's kind of marvelous and glorious to witness - astounding and awe-inspiring. I love that you even have a voice anymore that can be conjured up to dispute your unimpeded growth (and I totally mean "UN-IMPEDED" you can't ever stop growing now - your growth has a mind of its own! I KNOW! I'm watching it!!!) OK. i think I'm making up for lack of commenting :) But truly... Woman, you rock♥ Please just have fun and continue to love what you do.♥

Christine Claire Reed said...

James, THANK you.

Shamsi...sigh. <3 Your witnessing means so much to me, as you know. And your wisdom kinda knocks me back into myself. :)

Tess Giles Marshall said...

Two Brits cheering you on!

LSL said...

I know what you mean. I have a sore tailbone and it has been going on for 6 months. Clearly, I need to get off my tush and do various things, not easy things, but things that need to be done.
You have been such an inspiration to me over the past few years. Take care of yourself and keep going, keep moving, keep dancing.

happyhonkers said...

HI, I've just found your blog and I can share your excitement at getting a studio. I was a dancer for may years. It looks like you've had an interesting journey getting to where you are now. I might hang around and see how the story continues.

Susan said...

I'm right there with you Christine...on all counts as I face my own changes and potential for things bigger than me. I am pretty darn uncomfortable myself right now yet watching you makes it not quite so scary of those things that go bump in the night.

Opportunities abound - yet....its easier to keep being scared sometimes than to walk through the waterfall. Ya know?

:)

Christine Claire Reed said...

Susan, yes! "Things bigger than me..." exactly. One step and then another...